The Marriage Project
by rainbow-flyer
Summary: All your favorite characters are paired up and married for a school project. !CHAPTER 6 UPLOADED! Tell me what ya'll think.
1. Default Chapter

**Author's Note: I was bored when I did this so forgive me if there's errors. If it makes ye even chuckle though I did my job. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Project Justice or whatever. You can have my made up characters for five buck if ya want. I'm broke and selling everything!!**

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**Rival SAGA Special: The Marriage Project**

            "Okay class, today you are here because you've been chosen to participate, with or against your will, in a sexual education class…" said Hayato. "…Although it might be too late for some of you."

            Everyone looked at Tiffany. 

"What?" she whined. "Every time someone says that they look at me!" 

            "Anyway," said Kyoko. "Your first assignment will be a long term project." 

"Since this is sex ed, will we have some hands-on exercises?" asked Kurow.

"Don't you think you've put your hands on enough exercise at home?" asked Yurika.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" he grinned.

"Pervert." She mumbled. 

            "Okay, here's the project." Said Hayato. "Each one of you is to be married to a classmate for a month. You are to gain the real-life experience of being married." 

            Hinata raised her hand.

"Can we pick our partners?" 

"No. We contacted your parents and guardians and such and made partners for you."

            "This won't end well." Said Batsu. "Who knows what loony my dad set up for me?"

"I will admit. Parents are not usually good matchmakers for us." Said Kyosuke. 

"Well I'm sure that you all will be matched accordingly." Said Hyo. 

"Imawano-san, you have to participate too." Said Iincyo.

            Hyo laughed. 

"Don't be silly. I can't have a wife. I'm too busy maintaining Justice Gakuen."

            "I regret to inform you Hyo but you have to participate too." Said Kyoko.

'THIS IS MADNESS!" He snapped.

"Amen to that, but you're the student and we're the teachers so sit down and shut up while we put you all together!" snapped Hayato as he took out a manila folder. He opened it. "Okay here are the couples as chosen, please save all complaints and whining for afterward." 

            "Before we get started are there any questions?" asked Kyoko. Hinata raised her hand. 

"Who marries Kyosuke?" she asked. Kyosuke rolled his eyes at that comment. 

"Okay we read guys first, then girls." Said Hayato as he opened the folder. The room was dead quiet and everyone looked as if they were about to receive the death sentence, except the Imawanos and the Kirishimas who were strangely emotionless. Hayato cleared his throat and read the names.

"Okay here it goes:

                        Batsu Ichimonji and Hinata Wakaba

                        Eiji Yamada and Aoi Himezaki 

            Both Edge and Zaki looked as if they were going to shank everyone in the room at the sound of their real names.

                        Gan Sekidou and Momo Karuizawa

                        Roberto Miura and Ran Hibiki

                        Shoma Sawamura and Natsu Ayuhara 

            Both Shoma and Natsu opened their mouths to speak in protest but Kyoko's glare silenced them. 

                        Bowman Delgado and Iincyo

                        Roy Bromwell and Akira Kazama

"Who?" mumbled Roy, who had just woke up.

"Go back to sleep." Grumbled Kyoko. 

"Who?" said Akira. She spoke so quietly that Yurika could barely hear her and she was beside her. 

"He's the gaijin boy." She whispered. 

"Oh…" she said looking at him awkwardly.

            No one seemed to notice that Zaki and Edge had managed to slip out of the classroom.

                        Kyosuke Kagami and Yurika Kirishima

            She had barely finished reading it when everyone else in the room cheered. She then finished the list once they had quieted down.

                        Kurow Kirishima and Tiffany Lords

                        Hyo Imawano and Mayumi Sen

            She looked around. 

"Well Hyo, it seems that your wife is not here." She commented. 

"Just like in real life!" said Kurow. 

"Shut up." Said Hyo. "If she isn't her then I don't have to do the project right?"

"Wrong." Said Hayato. "You'll just have to begin later." 

            "Wait!" screamed Mayumi. "I'm here! I'm here!" She barged in and everyone stared at her. "Did I miss something?" she asked. 

"Congratulations, you're married." Said Kyoko.

"Oh…shit…" 

            Everyone cracked up at that. She sighed. 

"So who is my husband?" she droned.

"Him." She said, pointing to Hyo.

"You?!" She stared at him, spacing out. 

            "I can't believe I'm married to Yurika." Said Kyosuke.

"Maybe you should take this as an opportunity to give up pimping." Said Hyo. 

"And maybe you should get rid of that apron that Kurow gave you."

"Oh be quiet." 

            "Umi-chan are you okay?" asked Hinata as she waved a hand in front of her face. She had been frozen for ten minutes in that same spot. She slowly nodded. 

"I…I need to lie down…" with that she fainted. 

"You better do her now." Advised Kurow. "Because that's probably the only way you can get some action and not blow it." 

            Hyo walked out stepping over her. 

"Hey, you can't just leave your wife on the floor!" said Hinata who was kneeling beside her. 

"Watch me." Said Hyo. 

            "Look at him!" said Kurow. "Mr. Big and Bad scared of a girl." 

"I'm not scared!" he snapped. He then turned and picked her up. 

"Kyoko-sempai, I'm taking my…wife to your office. I'm sure she'll wake up." 

            "Hey, can our spouse stay over at our house if we want 'em to?" asked Ran.

"Yes, we already have parental permission from all of you and I'm sure you all can behave yourselves."

            "Don't be too sure." Said Yurika looking at Kurow.

"Don't worry, I'll be good." He sighed. "In public anyway…" 

"Don't I gat a say in this?" asked Tiffany. "I didn't want to marry him, I wanted to marry Roy and have an affair with Batsu."

"Eh?" Batsu perked up at that last part. Hinata clenched his arm she then glared at him. 

"You do it and I'll castrate you!"

"Hina, you're hurting me…" 

            She instantly got perky as she let him go.

"I'm sorry, Batsu-kun. I didn't mean to hurt you!" 

"Right, sure ya didn't.."  
            "Momo doesn't think that this came out right. Momo should be with Shoma, not gorilla woman." Said Momo. 

"Why you—" Natsu was cut off by Shoma's laughter. "Oh you think that's funny?" she growled. "Laugh at this!" 

            She promptly smacked him so hard that he fell out of his seat. He got up with a big red handprint on his face.

"Oh you wanna piece of me?" he yelled. 

"I would but there's not enough of you!" she retorted. 

"Well you can't stay at my house by the way, we don't have a barn." 

"I'm sorry but I'm not in the mood to spend the night at a freak show."  

            "So Bowman, do you like kids?" asked Iincyo.

"Yes I do." 

"You won't after you meet my siblings." 

            "When I said I liked you I didn't expect for it to get pushed this far." Said Ran. "I'm a reporter I can't be tied down with a family!" 

"Family?" said Roberto. 

"Yeah, when I get married I wanna have kids…and a dog…and a house…and a pony…and a—"

"Ran-chan, I don't know about the pony but we can see about the kids…and the dog…and the house…and the python…" 

"PYTHON?!" she exclaimed. "WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU WANT A PYTHON?! DON'T THOSE THINGS EAT PEOPLE?!

"Sometimes. I had one in Brazil. It was a baby though."  
"How big are the babies?" she asked. 

"Oh about 6 or 7 feet." 

            Ran sweat dropped at the thought of her future kids playing with a giant man-eating snake. 

"That's a big ass snake." She mumbled. 

            "So your name is Roy?" aske Akira. 

"I think, let me check." He said sleepily. He glanced at his watch. "It's too damn early to think!" 

"It's almost three!" said Akira. "But you knew that with your watch and all."

"Maybe I should go to night school. I think better at night. What about you Akira?"

"I prefer to live each day with the most voracity possible." 

            Roy stared at her for a moment before laying his head down and yawning. 

"Do you stay up late?" she asked. 

"No, I sleep at night too. I've got a game today too. You should go see it…" 

With that he fell asleep. Akira sighed. This was going to be a long month. 

"Momo is not happy! Momo doesn't even know you!" She snapped looking up at Gan. 

"Aww, you're so cute. My mom will like you." Said Gan.

"Listen to Momo. Momo is not going anywhere with you! NO WHERE!"

            Gan promptly picked up Momo, put her over his shoulder, and walked out.

            Hyo sat beside the hospital bed in the office, watching over Mayumi. 

"Is she okay?" asked Raizo. "I heard she fainted."

"Why did you set her up with me?" he asked dryly. 

"Stop pretending you don't care about her. You're not like that, I know you better than most people." 

"Maybe you don't. Maybe I don't care about her and maybe I have better things to do than some stupid project." 

"What's wrong? Afraid you'll get cooties?" asked Raizo. "Not all girls are monsters, even if they look like it in the morning." 

"Why did you choose me for her? Don't you think she'd be happier with someone who…who wasn't me?" 

"Well actually I was going to set you up with Hina or Ayane…The only problem was that Hinata is scared of you and Ayane hates your guts, then she came in and she started asking about you and I thought if she gives a damn about you it's worth a shot. She's a really sweet person. I think you'll like her."

"Thank you." 

"No problem. I'm always happy to force people to do something against their will." He then turned to leave and paused, looking over his shoulder. "By the way, she's staying with you in your dorm so make room." 

"Wha—" 

            Before Hyo could say anything, Raizo was gone. 

"I think this is going well so far." Said Hayato. "If Natsu and Shoma don't murder each other in their sleep, this project can be used for the next class." 

"Let's hope for no brainwashing." Hideo sighed. "God only knows that someone's gonna try it." 

"Oh, don't worry, I'm sure everything's gonna be just fine and dandy." Said Kyoko. 

"You're drunk aren't you?" said Hideo. 

"Drunker than a 'mug!" she said as she took out a 40 and drained it.

"That's my kind of woman!" said Hayato.

            Kyoko burped in response.

                        And so it has begun. All of the dejected characters that you know and tolerate are happily, unconsciously or unhappily married…and there's nothing they can do about it for a month. 


	2. Married Life

**A/N: I always feel the need to explain so you'll be seeing a lot of these. My characters have changed quite a bit. Ayane is more mature and easy…going. Mayumi had a name change and has a little more aggressiveness (to see what I'm talkin' bout go to the Moist bounce Webpage and read First Love!) Originally Ayane was supposed to be a stoic, tormented type but c'mon this is Rival Schools! They have enough of those! Now enough with this prattle, release the heathen!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Project Justice but if Kyosuke or Edge is for sale let me know! Holla!**

**Chapter 2: Married Life!**

            Afterward, most of the students ended up at the cake shop where they came to either gripe or gloat about who they were married to. Not that anyone else cared. Most of the people who went to the cake shop were pretty selfish. But at the mention of that, the poster child of selfishness, Momo Karuizawa barged in with Gan following behind. Momo sat down as Gan stared at her with a distant look on his face.

"Momo thinks we need to talk about this Marriage thing." Said Momo. "Momo is not happy with the results and when Momo is not happy there is hell to pay, do you understand?"

"Uhhh…" Gan still had that distant look on his face. 

"As the man of the house you are supposed to make Momo happy!"

"…So what am I supposed to do?"

"You can start buy getting Momo a piece of chocolate cake!" 

            Gan nodded and then walked up to the counter, punched his fist through the glass door of the pastry shelf and brought a chocolate cake back to the table. Momo glared at him. 

"You didn't say how I was supposed to get it." 

            "You idiot! I swear Imawanos are nothing but morons!!" snapped Yurika as she stormed it. "Don't you know how to put up a violin?!?"

"Woman, do you think I know how to put up a damn violin?!?" snapped Kyosuke. 

"I hate you!" 

"Well, the feelings mutual! And you're playing sucks ass!"

            Yurika gasped and then grabbed a random drink and splashed it in his face. 

"How dare you insult me? You're just jealous because I'm better than you!"

"Are not!" 

"Are too!" She folded her arms together. "In fact my grades are better than yours!" 

"By a tenth of a point!!" growled Kyosuke. "That doesn't mean anything!"

"Maybe not to you but that proves that I am superior." 

"Yeah, you're a superior pain in the ass!"

"Well, then I'm leaving you!"

"Bye!" said the redhead.

            Akira walked in to see Yurika storming out. 

"…Hi Yuri—"

"HI!!" She snapped. She walked out, slamming the door so hard that she put cracks in the glass.

            "I don't know where the hell she's going." Said Kyosuke. "I'm her ride home." 

"You should apologize." Said Batsu. 

"And you should mind your own business." Said Kyosuke as he inspected himself in his pocket mirror.

"Kyouske?"

"What?" 

"I've been meaning to tell you this for a long time…YOU'RE CONCIETED AS HELL!!" 

            Kyosuke grinned. 

"And don't you forget it!" 

            "I'm here, minna!!!" sang Hinata as she barged in.

"Hey, Hina." Said Ran. "You missed it. Kyosuke and Yurika had a fight."

"Awww!" she cooed as she hugged Kyosuke. "You must be so sad." 

"Not really." Said Kyosuke. 

"Don't worry, I'm here to help! If you need to talk, Dr. Hina is here for you! And speaking of doctors, I'm volunteering at the VD clinic tomorrow! Isn't that great?" 

"What's so great about VD?" asked Natsu.

            Kurow was about to speak when Kyosuke cut him off.

"Don't say anything!" he snapped.

"Hina, you're a good person…" said Sakura. "But you have a big mouth. You can't keep a secret for anything!" 

"That's not true!" Snapped Hinata. "I haven't told anyone that ran wears Teletubbies underwear, or that you have a crush on Kei, or that Natsu has a picture of Shoma in the sho—" 

            Natsu sacked Hinata before she could finish and then pinned her down. 

"Told you so!!" 

            Hinata got up and dusted herself off. 

"I can keep a secret."

            Kurow leaned over and whispered into Ran's ear. 

"Hey, how about giving me a peek of Dipsy and Laa Laa." 

"Eechi!" she screamed as she slapped him. 

            Raizo then appeared out of nowhere.

"Son, I think it's time that I told you all I know about sex." 

"That won't take long…" mumbled Kyosuke. Raizo glared at him. 

"I'd talk to you but you know plenty! Now come on so I can show you these grotesque pictures of genital warts!!" 

"Do I have to!" grumbled Batsu. 

            Raizo glared at him.

"Hey that vein's popping out of your neck again. Just like at the time I took the car for a spin on the lawn!" 

            Raizo cracked his fists.

"Know what…I'm gonna go…" he said as he got up.

"Stop by the VD clinic to see me!" Said Hinata.

            Meanwhile at Justice, even more trouble was brewing.

"..To wit, her go is to this part of the predicate—"

            "Mr. Shimizu!!" Yelled Tiffany as she raised her hand.

"Uh, yes Tiffany?" 

"If lockers can open why do they call them lockers?"

            He paused in thought.

"That's a good question. I'll have to think on that—"

"Don't tell me you take this airhead seriously!" snapped a student. 

"Leave her alone! That was a good question!" Snapped Mayumi. 

"That was a stupid question!" snapped another student. 

Mayumi was about to say something but Hyo intervened.

"Well if it's so stupid then you all come up with an answer!" he added. The class was silent. "That's what I thought." 

It was silent until the bell rung.

"That was nice of you to stick up for Tiffany." Said Mayumi. Hyo blushed slightly. 

"It was nothing…I just wanted Shimizu-sensei to get on with the lesson…"

"Still—" 

"Just back off!" He snapped. "I just wanted to make sure that she was free to express herself okay! Geez, you act like I saved her life or something!"      

"…So does that mean I can express myself too?" 

"Do what you want." Said Hyo as he walked off. "I don't care." 

            Umi smiled devilishly. 

"Is that so?" 

            She then stood up on one of the tables. 

"ATTENTION FEMALE JUSTICE STUDENTS, YOU ARE BEING ENSLAVED!" 

            Everyone grew silent as all eyes were on her.

"I AM OFFENDED AND YOU SHOULD BE TOO! HOW COME GIRLS HAVE TO WEAR SKIRTS ALL THE TIME IN THIS SCHOOL! HOW COME BOYS GET COLLEGE COUNSELING BUT GIRLS DON'T?! THIS MY LADIES IS SEXIM AND SEXUAL HARASSMENT!!"

"YEAH AND HOW COME WE HAVE TO TAKE HOME EC. IN ORDER TO GRADUATE?!" asked another girl. 

"WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" Screamed Umi. 

"YEAH!" Said Tiffany. "BUT WELL TAKE CASH OR CHECK—"

"Tiffany…" 

"Isn't this a bake sale?" 

            Umi paused for a moment and then grinned. 

"I'M CALLING A PROTEST FOR ALL FEMALE STUDENTS! IN LIGHT OF THIS I'M NOT GONNA WEAR THE SCHOOL UNIFORM!"

            She took it off to reveal a t-shirt and some red shorts. The girls cheered. 

"AND IN LIGHT OF THIS PROTEST, I'M NOT GONNA WEAR A TOP!" 

            She was about to take it off when Umi stopped her. 

"Uh, were not to that point yet." 

"Oh, okay!"

            As all the girls stormed out Hyo looked terrified.

"What the hell did you do?" asked Kurow as he walked in. "Looks like the girls are on strike!!"

"I don't know!" Said Hyo. "But I'll put a stop to this!"

            "Natsu, did you use my towel?" asked her father. 

"Yeah dad, I looked like mine, my mistake." 

"No! Natsu, honey, I got a case of lice from my last trip!" 

"Eh!?!" 

"Well there's a chance you might not catch it…If you did you'd be scratching already."

"Well I think I'm fine…Let's just say I am!" 

"But—"

"Bye dad!"

"But go to the VD clinic after school, okay!" 

            Natsu was already out the door. 

            It had slipped her mind as the day moved on and by the time she was in Japanese she had totally forgotten about what her father had said. That's when the itching started. Natsu ignored it at first. Then it got more persistent. Soon it consumed her thoughts and before she realized it. 

            "God I itch!" she said loudly. The class was in silent reading so they all heard her. Everyone stared at her and she blushed. "Gomen nasai! I…I need to go to the bathroom."

            Natsu left and stayed in a stall until class ended. She was too embarrassed to go back. 

            "It's not lice…it's not lice…I'm fine…I'm okay...AGH! THE ITCHING IS DRIVNG ME INSANE!!"

            Luckily, no one was in the bathroom. 

"Okay, I'll go to the VD clinic and get treated and then I'll be okay!" She gave a loud awkward laugh. "NOBODY WILL KNOW BWA HA HA—"

            "Know what, Natsu?" asked Shoma. 

"None of your business, nematode!"

"I was just concerned, you big gorilla!" 

"Oh shut up!" 

"You shut up…and come on!"

"Wha—"

"Miss Kyoko gave us a packet to do, while we were married and I wanna do it now! The sooner we end this the better." 

"…I totally forgot…" 

"See this is why the man should be in charge!"

"What man? All I see is a little boy!"

            Shoma stormed off with Natsu following him. 

They ended up stopping at a store where Natsu waited outside standing next to a telephone pole. Natsu fidgeted around as she waited. She then looked around. There was no one on the street. With that she wrapped her arms around to pole and started to ram her groin into it. It actually helped.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, AYUHARA?!?" yelled Shoma. 

            Natsu gave another nervous laugh. 

"NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL! COME DEAR HUSBAND, LET ME MAKE YOU DINNER!"

"…Okay…" Shoma was getting a little nervous. Natsu was acting weirder than usual. 

            Just as they got to Natsu's house, a paint can suddenly landed on Shoma's head. He was coated in pink paint. 

"Crap, of all the colors! Natsu you wouldn't happen to have any clothes I could borrow."

"Whatever, just get inside!" she snapped. 

            After getting a change of clothes Shoma sat on Natsu's bed. 

"So anyway, it says that we have to designate roles for the household!"

"Uh-huh…"Natsu was trembling, trying to keep from scratching. 

"Anyway, I want to be the provider!" he stated. 

"Why?" asked Natsu.

"Well, if I really love a woman I want to make sure that she doesn't need to fend for herself…I want to take care of her." 

"That's sweet Shoma…"said Natsu. 

"But since I wasn't assigned to a woman I guess you'll have to make do!" he laughed. 

            Natsu promptly slapped him.

            "Would someone like to explain to me why the female student body is protesting?" 

"Well—" Kurow cut Hyo off. 

"It's all his fault!" He said pointing to him.

"Okay, we will save the blaming for after this is dealt with." Raizo turned to Hideo. 

"So do you have any suggestions on what we should do?" 

"I think we should let them protest. I think the students must be free to express themselves." 

            Raizo stared at him for a few moments. 

"Should I slap you now or later?" 

"Later please, we should address the moment at hand." 

            Raizo sighed as Kyoko walked in with a bottle of sake in her hand. 

"No alcohol on campus, Minazuki." He sighed. 

"Fuck you, I'm on strike." She said before taking a drink from the bottle. 

"You too?!?" said Hyo. 

"Hell yeah! In case you've forgotten, I'm a female too." 

"I never noticed." Said Hyo. Kyoko hit him with the bottle. 

"If it broke you would have been so dead…again…I'm gonna go to Roppongi-ku and get some Chippendale's strippers."

"You can't even afford a cab." Said Raizo.

"I'll just put it on the faculty account." 

With that she left.

"Oh that's wonderful." Said Hyo. "Like I said, we have to put a stop to this. Come on Kurow!" 

"Why me?!?"

"Because you are vice-president and I am president, now let's end this!" 

            Hyo then dragged Kurow out with him towards the crowd. 

            "So you have a girlfriend now, boss?" asked Edge. 

"Yeah, she's pretty cool." Said Daigo. "She's buying us dinner." 

            Zaki sat down beside Edge. 

"Hey, what's the name of this place?" 

"Pizza and Stuff." Said Daigo. 

            Zaki looked confused. 

"What kind of stuff…" 

"The stuff that goes on the pizza, man, you're slow." Said Edge. 

"Shut up!" Said Zaki as she punched him in the chest. 

"Okay!" Edge wheezed.

"I'm gonna go help Ayane out with the food." She said as she stood up. Daigo watched her walk off and then glared at Edge. 

            "Why you let her punk you like that?!" He growled. 

"Look, I've got mind control over Zaki. She tells me shut up and I do it but as soon as she leaves I'll be talkin' again." 

"You've lost your damn mind." Said Daigo. 

"That's old news. So where'd you meet this girl?" 

"Oh, she was helping Akira bust out of Seiyuun…"

            Meanwhile, the two girls situated the trays of food. 

"So you're dating Edge."

"Something like that." Said Zaki.

"Oh…Oh it's one of those Sex first, Talk later things."

"I guess…" Zaki was waiting for her to start saying that you need to have a 'relationship with the guy first' and all that other crap she had heard.

"I wish I had something like that with Daigo…He's such a prude…"

"Wait, don't you love him?" she asked. 

"I don't know. Do you love Edge?" 

            Zaki was silent. Ayane looked down and gave a small smile. 

"I guess we both have some things to work out—"

            "Did you say Edge?" asked the cashier. They both glared at the girl. She merely smiled at them. "You know I know Edge…He hangs out with the Kazama boss right?" 

            "Look—" Ayane looked down at her name tag. "—Mina, just ring us up and we'll be on our merry way, right Zaki?"

            "What do you know about him?" asked Zaki.

"Well, Eiji…" She dragged out his name and then paused. "He has such amazing drawings…I remember when he showed them to me." 

            "Come on Zaki." Said Ayane. She could sense he anger. Zaki seemed to be dazed. "Zaki..."

"Not only that, the time we first fucked was a very memorable experience. Too bad he left me for some new bitch from Seiyuun. I heard he's going to dump her pretty soon. She must be trash though to fall over him like—" 

             Zaki punched her in the face. Ayane sighed. 

"Ah well, free licks!" She said as she and Zaki jumped over the counter to jump the girl."

            With all the sudden commotion a riot broke out. Ayane managed to escape pulling an angry Zaki out by the waist and the cash register. She let her go and then she tried to attack Ayane. She dodged. 

"Why did you stop me?!" She screamed. "I could have killed that bitch!" 

"She's not worth goin' to jail Zaki!" snapped Ayane. 

            "What bitch?" asked Daigo. Ayane shrugged. 

"Some bitch named Mina." 

            Edge's eyes widened in shock for a moment. He then turned to Zaki. 

"It's not what you think—" 

"What do you think I think?" she growled. 

"I don't love her!" he snapped. Zaki glared at him. 

"That's okay. I don't love you and I never did…I don't need you…find yourself another 'ho."

            She then stormed down the street. 

            "Okay role call!" Said Hayato. "Masuda…Aida…Yorumi…" 

            He then paused to see Kyoko in a gym suit with a bottle of beer in her hand. 

"What are you doing here, Minazuki?" he asked. 

"I need exercise."

            Hayato looked at his watch.

"Shouldn't you be teaching right now?" 

"Yeah but I'm on strike. We all are." 

"We?" 

"Yeah, all the females in the school have had enough of Raizo's chauvinist ways." 

            Hayato arched one of his eyebrows in suspicion. 

"Is that so?" 

"Well that's what one of the girls told me…" 

"Come on, Minazuki lets straighten this out." 

"But I don't wanna go back to work!" she whined. 

"Then fine. You sub for my class while I fix this mess."

            Kyoko gave him a thumbs-up as he left. As soon as she was out of sight she turned to the class. 

"Okay, new subject! We're gonna play soccer!" 

"Minazuki-san?" asked Ran. "Do you even know the rules to soccer?"

"No, but all I know is that I'm gonna be Pele!"

"I

I'll get Roberto. He's out of class now!" 

"Fine, but I still get to be Pele!" said Kyoko. 

            "What do you think you're doing Mayumi?" asked Hyo.

"Protesting. I'm pretty sure I'm doing it right." She said sternly. 

"This is crazy! You need to stop this. No one's complained about these things before." 

"Maybe they were afraid! Society likes when women are too scared to speak up." 

"I like an aggressive woman." Said Kurow. "It's nice to see that someone can speak their mind."

"I thought you were on my side Kurow?" snapped Hyo. 

"Ya thought wrong." Said Kurow as he wrapped his arm around Tiffany's waist. "I'm not going against my wife…In fact this was just a plan to get you out here in the open." 

            Hyo glared at them. 

"So what are you planning?" 

"A coup." Said Mayumi. "One of us has to go…you…or me. As you can see though I have reinforcements." 

            Kurow leaned over and whispered into her ear. 

"What the hell are you doing? That's not part of the plan."

"I'm going to see what he's made of." 

            Hyo smiled. 

"If that's the case. So be it!" 

            He then took out his sword and Mayumi stared at it.

"Oh…I forgot about that." 

            "WAIT!!" Said Tiffany. "This isn't right. They shouldn't be fighting on campus!" 

            Mayumi gave a sigh of relief and then Tiffany spoke again. 

"They should fight on the roof, winner take all!" 

            Everyone cheered at that. 

            _What have I gotten myself into?  Thought Mayumi. _

            "Hi welcome to the VD clinic! I'm Hinata, how may I help you?" 

Natsu froze in horror. Once more she had forgotten something. Hinata was at the clinic. If she went in she was as good as dead. 

            "Why me?" She moaned. "Why me!!!" 

"What are you doing here?" asked Shoma.

"Wh—what are you doing here?" 

"Nothing," 

"Me too…"

            They stood there for a few moments when they both started to speak at once.

"I—"

"Well—"

"You go first." Said Shoma.

"I can't say it…"

            they stood there in silence. Then Shoma grew terribly red with rage. 

"YOU GAVE ME CRABS WOMAN! I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DID IT BUT I KNOW YOU DID—"

"SHUT UP, YOU IDIOT WE'RE IN PUBLIC!!"

            They both glared at each other for a moment. Then Natsu spoke. 

"Okay we need to calm down and think of a rational way to handle this—"

"I'm gonna kick you ass!"

"Not if I kick your ass first!!" yelled Natsu. 

            With that they were fighting in the middle of the street. 

"Well, where's your weapon?" asked Hyo. 

"to hell if I know." Said Mayumi. Hyo unsheathed his sword as Mayumi grabbed a broom. 

            "that broom seems too long for you to handle…let me shorten it for you!!" 

He cut the broom in two as Mayumi stared at it. 

"I thought weapons weren't allowed on campus?" 

"I'm the exception." 

            After a few attacks that Mayumi dodged Hyo managed to get his sword stuck in the ground. Mayumi promptly went to beating the crap out of Hyo with the broom. Hyo finally pulled the sword out and they were about to attack each other when Hayato jumped in. He grabbed both their arms and handcuffed them together and then pinned the cuffs down with the sword. It was spiked so deep in the ground that neither one of them could pull it out. 

            "There, now you two sit there on a time out while I get the rest of the campus in order…damn, teenagers get worse every minute." He sighed and walked off. 

            "Now what genius?" asked Mayumi. 

"I blame you for this." He retorted.  

"Oh shut up." 

            "GOAL!!" screamed Kyoko as she kicked the ball in. 

"Minazuki-san that was our goal." Said Ran. 

"Some Pele." Grumbled Roberto. Kyoko laughed manically. 

"Behold I am a spy from the other side!!" 

"Oh stop trying to play it off." Said Ran. 

            "would you mind telling me why you are so upset?" asked Kyosuke. 

"yes." Said Yurika. 

Kyosuke sighed. 

"I know that we have our differences but I would really like to be friends at least." 

"…then you ask too much." 

"okay, can you tolerate me enough to tell me what's wrong?" 

"here." She handed him an opened envelope and he read it. 

            "congratulations, you have been selected to participate in the Asahana music and art show. Please submit one musical composition and one artistic piece in order to participate." 

            He looked up at Yurika. 

"so this isn't hard. You can play and I'm sure you can draw." 

            Yurika sulked. 

"oh…you can't draw…" 

"I can too, see!" 

            she took out a sketchbook and showed Kyosuke a drawing. He stared at it for a moment and forced back a laugh. Yurika scowled at him. 

"Well is this why you're so angry?"

"Yes." 

"Well, I'll tell you what. I'll teach you how to draw okay?" 

"Is my art that bad?"

"Let's just say it's different. But we can work on this together, besides according to the project packet we must have something we work on together." 

"Why are you helping me like this?" she asked. 

"Because married people should help each other…" said Kyosuke. "…and it's good blackmail."

            "What is wrong with you?" asked Hyo. "You finally get free from the Yakuza and you just go crazy!" 

"I'm sorry…" she said quietly. "It's just that I feel so displaced. I've always wanted to be a normal teenager but now that I have the chance I don't know what to do. I don't know how to act. It would be so easy if there was a book or something."

"I understand but causing mass anarchy is not the answer…believe me I've tried that." said Hyo. He mumbled the last part. "But I know where you're coming from. You feel displaced. You don't fit in with the world so you try to make them fit in with you right?"

"Yeah, and still everything seems to fall apart but you pretend that it's okay—" 

"And then the next you know you're stuck crying in the girl's bathroom while your twin brother makes fun of you!" 

            Umi gave him a weird look. Hyo cleared his throat.

"Or so I've heard."

            They both stared up at the sky. 

"Well, this is a fine mess. You made some points that were pretty good so…so is there anyway that we can have a resolution?"

"I know a way…you wear the girls' uniform for a day and we'll call it even." 

"Well you still have to do something for me—"

"Just so you know, I don't so that tongue thing!" 

            Hyo blinked. 

"NO! NO!...You have to carry my sword for the same period of time." 

"Well that's not hard…" laughed Umi.

"If you say so…" mumbled Hyo. 

            "He's mine!" 

"no, he's mine!"

"no mine!"

"NO MINE!"

"MINE!"

            Iincyo brother and sister were fighting over whose team Bowman would be on when they played football in the park today. Bowman was quietly reading as the two climbed and tugged all over him. 

"That's enough." Said Iincyo. "Bowman, did they break anything?" 

"I think they pulled some muscles." Said Bowman. "But I'll be fine. So are you ready to go to church today." 

"Sure." She sighed. "I don't know why you're taking me though. According to that religion I'm a heathen and I'm going to burn in hell." 

            "Sucks to be you!" said her sister. 

"Shut up, aphid!" 

"You shut up, butt knuckle!!" 

"She said BUTT!" her brother started cracking up. Iincyo sighed. 

            "You should have more patience with your siblings." Said Bowman. "Children are a gift from God, y'know." 

"Yeah well these gifts need to be exchanged." 

            They entered the church and sat in the back pew as Bowman walked up and started praying at the altar. 

"Who's that?" asked her sister.

"That's the Virgin Mary." Iincyo sighed. 

"Why is she named Mary?" 

"I don't know."

"Why is she a virgin?" asked her brother. 

"I don't know." 

"You don't know ANYTHING!" They chorused.

"Oh shut up!" She snapped. 

            Iincyo eventually dozed off. Bowman walked up and shook her awake.

"Uhh?" she groaned.

"Iincyo, where are your siblings?" 

"Um, I think their with the priest or somethin'…"

"WHAT?!" He bellowed. "GET THOSE KIDS!!" 

            Everyone knows of the negative publicity surrounding Catholic priests. But not everyone knows who to trust. Luckily for Iincyo, Bowman possessed the 'black list of the covenant, and his superior was on it. Of course they got to the kids before he could do anything to them and Bowman pulled the old priest to the side.

"Father, I know what you tried to do to those kids and I can't forgive you." Said Bowman as he cracked his knuckles. "Therefore, I will deal with you the way the bible says to…" 

            The priest gave a sigh of relief. Bowman suddenly jacked him up.

"..WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE!!"

            "Wow, Bowman-san is so cool!" said Iincyo's brother. 

"I wanna be just like him when I grow up!" said her sister. 

"I don't think that it's necessary to learn the Burning Cross Lariat though…" added Iincyo.

            Finally, after Bowman was done they went home. The younger kids raced while Bowman and Iincyo walked together. 

"You know you didn't have to string him up like a piñata." Said Iincyo. 

"Just think of it a necessary evil." 

"So what was that pastor's name?" she asked. 

"Mark Olmstead."  
"Oh…" They walked in silence for a few moments before Iincyo cracked up. "HEY THAT SPELLS MOLESTED!!"

            Bowman chuckled. 

"It does doesn't it..." 

            The next day, Ayane ran into the Justice library looking for Hyo. 

"Hey, Hyo—why are you wearing a skirt?" 

"What do you want?" he asked. 

"I need you to go get me a Safe sex kit." 

"Why?" 

"So I can have safe sex you dumbass!"

"Why me?" 

"You're good at being secretive. I don't want anyone to know." 

"Fine." He sighed. 

            Hinata hummed to herself as she sat at the desk. It had been slow today. Not that many people were too eager to make a trip here anyway. She was reading a magazine when a shadow loomed over her. 

"Hi may I—" she realized it was Hyo and screamed. "OH MY GOD!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! WHY ARE YOU WEARING A SKIRT?!? AM I IN TROUBLE?!? IS BATSU IN TROUBLE—"

"Hinata…" 

"BATSU'S DEAD ISN'T HE?!? OH NO, I'M A WIDOW! WE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE OUR HONEYMOON—"

"WAKABA!!!" He snapped. She blinked out of her dramatic phase. "Batsu is fine. He's just being traumatized by my uncle okay?" 

"Okay…so why are YOU here?" 

"Because…" he paused and then mumbled something that was too low for Hinata to hear. 

"What?" 

            He mumbled again.

"What?" 

"I SAID I NEED A SAFE SEX KIT!" he snapped. 

"OH, A SAFE SEX KIT! OKAY!" 

            She ducked down and popped back up with a large brown box with a lock on it. It said 'Safe Sex Kit' in big black letters. Underneath that it said 'For ages 3 to 96'. Hyo sighed and picked it up.

"Hinata listen, don't tell anyone…ANYONE! You understand?" 

            The girl merely nodded. Hyo then walked out. Just as he got to his car, Hinata barged out and screamed. 

            "HEY EVERYBODY, HYO IMAWANO GOT A SAFE SEX KIT!!"

"HINATA!"

"Sorry…I won't tell anyone else though." She assured him. She gave a thumbs-up and dashed inside. 

"..not that you need to." Grumbled Hyo.

            After Hyo was gone Hinata took a break and went to the cake shop. Natsu was missing but Sakura and Ran were there. 

            "So anyway, I've got some big news!" said Sakura. "the street fighter tournament's coming to Tokyo." 

            "That's nothing." Said Ran. "Robbie's game is tomorrow and it's gonna be televised by ESPN."

            "Well Hyo got a safe sex kit and he won't tell me who's it is…" said Hinata absent-mindedly. They stared at her for a few moments before Hinata's watch beeped. 

"Oh, I've gotta get back. See ya!"

            "Why are you wearing a dress?" asked Yurika. 

"To fulfill part of my compromise." Said Hyo. 

"Where's Mayumi?" asked Kurow.

            Suddenly they heard a loud banging in the hallway followed by the sound of something heave dragging. Then they heard a mixed assortment of 'ouch' 'hey' and a few screams. Mayumi then stumbled in and ended up stuck in the door due to the sword strapped to her back. She turned and tried to twist it and ended up falling to the floor. She then dusted herself off and walked to her desk as if nothing happened. After the bell rang Hayato called the role to reveal that Hinata wasn't here. 

            "Hina's not usually late." Said Batsu.

Hinata then walked in crying and plopped down. 

            "What's wrong?" asked Natsu. 

"I got fired today! They said I was a good worker but I had too much charisma!!" she sobbed. 

"Hina, how can you get fired from a volunteer position?" asked Kyosuke. 

"Shut up!" She snapped. 

            "Wait you're not working at the VD clinic any more!" said Natsu. Hinata shook her head. Natsu then dashed out followed by Shoma. 

            Kyoko then passed out the school newspaper and in big letters on the front page it said:

HYO IMAWANO IS A SEX FIEND

            Hyo forced a smile and turned to Hinata. 

"Now why would anyone think that?" he asked. 

"I don't know. I thought you were gay." Said Hinata. 

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!" He screamed. 

            He then attempted to throttle Hinata but was held back by Batsu and Kyosuke. Hayato slammed his shinai on the desk and everyone grew quiet. 

            "You can kill each other after class!" he snapped. "Now class, as a happily married couple—"

"Yeah right." Chuckled Kyoko. 

"—You must learn to compromise. And now it's time to test your skills in that deparment." 

            He put a carton of eggs on the desk.

"WE'RE GONNA MAKE OMELETS!" Yelled Gan.

            Hayato's eye twitched a little. 

"No…You're going to have a baby. Each one of you is going to have the joy—"

"Or sorrow." Added Raizo. 

"—Of having a child…so what do you say?"

            "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" 

The entire class screamed in horror.

            So once more everyone in an awkward position. Stay tuned for the next egg-citing chapter, where we will see who will be a good (or bad) parent. My money's on Gan making a baby-omelet… 


	3. All The Donts Of Parenting

A/N: I'm back baby! Let me just say that it won't get too serious. It's going to end soon so think of this as the tranquil cream filling…or something…anyway enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't one these people but I'm still searching on e-bay…

**Chapter Three: All the Don'ts of Parenting**

"…Okay that's the last of them." Said Kyoko. "Everyone is now a parent. How does it feel students?"

They all began yelling and complaining at once. Hayato banged his shinai on the desk. 

"Silence!" he yelled. "You all act like you have no home training."

"But Nekketsu-sensei, some of us don't have home training." Said Hinata. "Not me but others…" 

"Shut up." He growled. "I've had it with you teenagers thinking you know everything—"

"I don't think I know everything." Said Hinata. 

"I don't know anything." Said Roy with a big grin on his face. "But I'm a jock so I don't have to do anything."

"What if you break your legs?" asked Akira.

"Don't worry, I just have you take care of me. I'm sure you'd be happy to pander to my every need and don't act like you can't use the money."

Akira's right eye twitched in agitation. 

"And what if I break your legs?" she growled, clenching her fists. 

"You'd do that?" asked the blond. Akira glared at him slowly nodding. "That would be SO COOL!"

Akira blinked in shock.

"If you break my legs it will be good for both of us. I'll never have to work again and since you helped me I'll give you a cut."

"…So you want me to break your legs?" 

"Yes." 

Akira put her head down on her desk and sighed.

"I'll break you're legs if you want." Said Tiffany.

"Nah. Last time you tried you just sprained them."

"You're right." She sighed. 

"ENOUGH!" snapped the man at the desk. "Plan insurance fraud on your own time! Now go home and take care of your children, damn it!"

"But it's only 10: 30." Said Hinata.

"DON'T RUIN IT FOR THE REST OF US!" Snapped Batsu who was halfway out the door. Hyo stared at his egg and then turned to Umi who was asleep.

"Oh, come on. You don't get a grade if you're unconscious do you?!?" 

"Just take care of it yourself." Said Hayato as he packed up. "If you can…" 

"For your information I'LL MAKE A GOOD FATHER!" 

With that he slammed the egg against his chest. 

"Well now you're gonna have to tell her you two have an F." said Hayato.

"AN F?!? I'VE NEVER EVEN MADE A BE IN MY LIFE!!!"

"Well then this will be a hell of a step down for you, ne?" said Kyoko.

At the cake shop Yurika was busy making a sketch of Kyosuke.

"Okay how does that look?"

"Like something Batsu ate and then threw up and then ate again."

"It's called impressionism."

"Well people with taste would call it vomit." 

"Anyway, you got any ideas for what to do with the baby?"

"Sunny-side up with cheese." Yurika frowned. "I'm kidding." Said Kyosuke. 

"Not that I care, but where is your brother? He's usually hovering around you."

"Oh he's coming." Said Kyosuke. "And he's annoyed." 

"Oh is that that freaky twin thing where you can sense each other?" asked Ran.

"No he's always annoyed. That's a given." Said Batsu.

They heard several catcalls outside as Hyo stormed in still wearing the skirt.

"PERVERTS!" He snapped as he plopped down beside the redhead.

"Why are you still wearing that skirt?" he asked.

"I have to wear it for 24 hours. I must keep my word to Umi."

"Why bother?" Said Ran. "She was asleep the whole time…come to think of it where is she now?" 

"I left her in the classroom." Said Hyo. Everyone gave him a weird look. "She looked so peaceful, I thought not to disturb her."

"Anyway. What are we supposed to do with these things?" asked Iincyo.

"We are supposed to do the same things with them that our parents did with us." Said Hinata. "Give them love and care and guidance!" 

"My parents never gave that to me." Said Kyosuke.

"My parents did…" said Yurika. "…until your father killed them." 

"That bastard." Muttered Kyosuke. "He should have finished the job. Then I wouldn't be stuck with you now."

"Isn't that ironic?" Tiffany laughed. "Mugen like, killed your parents and now you're married to his son."

"Yeah. Hilarious." She droned.

Meanwhile Momo and Gan sat quietly in another booth. Gan stared intensely at a carton of orange juice. Momo was reading a book titled 'Voodoo for Dummies'. Edge and Zaki walked in sulking. Suddenly, Edge perked up a little as he saw Gan. 

"What the hell are you doing Gan?" he asked.

"The container says concentrate." He growled. Suddenly his face grew red as smoke poured out of his ears. He screamed and then fainted. Momo peeked over after a few moments and then sighed as she got up. 

"Gan, you can't die on Momo. Momo didn't get insurance on you," she snapped, "If you die Momo will not be happy." 

"You're never happy." Said Natsu. 

"If Momo wanted any comments from you Momo would have brought dog biscuits."

Iincyo and Ran held Natsu back as she rose to attack the little girl.

"Get up!" She began jumping on him like he was a trampoline. Gan sat up with a jolt, throwing Momo behind the counter. He then casually sat back up and continued staring at the orange juice. Zaki cleared her throat and spoke. 

"I wanted to apologize Edge. I shouldn't be upset. That happened before me." 

"You're damn right about that." Zaki glared at him and them and he cleared his throat. "Anyway, you were saying."

"I'm sorry," her gaze softened, "will you forgive me."

"Of course I will." Said Gan.

"She was talking to me, fat ass!" he snapped. "Go tend to your own statutory marriage R. Kelly!" 

"Who's R. Kelly?" asked Iincyo.

"A famous American pedophile." Said Kyosuke. "I guess they must really love kids over there."

"I love kids too." Said Raizo. "Especially female kids."

"Go home, old man." Said Kyosuke. 

"Make me." 

Kyosuke grabbed Yurika's violin and started playing (horribly). 

"AGGH! MY EARS ARE BLEEDING! OKAY, I'LL GO!" 

"Ha! Don't mess with the P.I.M.P.!" he said as Raizo stormed out.

Suddenly an egg hit Kyosuke in the forehead. He closed his eyes and sighed as the yolk dripped down his face.

"Now why did you do that?" 

"You should know the answer Mr. P.I….Oh I hate American words."

"Americans don't like you much either." Said Kurow. 

"I like you." Said Roy.

"Really." Said Yurika with stars in her eyes. 

"Yeah, weren't you the one who played the ghost in that 'Casper' movie right?" 

Yurika glared at him, but she didn't do anything because she realized he was serious.

"I don't know you enough to hate you." Said Tiffany. "But I know enough to not like you."

"Well, I like you." Said Kyouske.

"Do you mean that?" 

"Of course not." He said matter-of-factly. 

Out of rage Yurika grabbed Kurow and Tiffany's egg and smashed it into Kyosuke's head.

"My baby!" cried Tiffany. "and I was just starting to breastfeed it!" 

"You can breastfeed me." Said Kurow. 

Tiffany thought about it.

"Okay, but don't bite me this time!" 

"AT LEAST GET A ROOM THIS TIME!" Yurika snapped. "AND DON'T END UP IN MY ROOM! I JUST HAD IT CLEANED!" 

They both ran off giggling as Yurika ran after them. Kyosuke just sat there.

"If you're trying to look cool, it's not working." Said Batsu. 

"Yes it is." Said Hinata dreamily. "Kyosuke-san looks good in anything."

"No, he's right." With that Kyosuke began taking off his clothes.

"Might as well change right here." He said as he took off his glasses.

"How come you never strip for me?" asked Hinata. 

"Because I don't want to." Said Batsu.

"…Okay, this isn't hard…" he thought. "I'm just going to her house. Even thought she moved out of the Sawamuras and into her own place, I'm not gonna treat her differently…" 

He was pacing around in front of the apartment. He then started to knock on the door when he heard voices. 

"Nekketsu-sensei, isn't it against school policy to do this?" 

"Relax, no one's gonna know. It's not like you and Imawano are an item…are you?" 

"No. It's just…I can't believe that happened." 

"Listen, the first time's rough for everybody, but tell you what, how about I give you a second chance?"

"Alright then! I'll be sure to make you happy this time!" 

"HOW DARE YOU?!?" Screamed Hyo. "Having relations with a student! And she supposed to be married to me! I will make sure that he pays—"

Mayumi opened the door knocking Hyo over the balcony as she walked Hayato out. 

"Look I only did this for Imawano. He was acting real brand new in class. I'm sure you'll get an A now." He winked.

As Hyo continued to cling to the bars of the balcony Batsu and Hinata walked by and froze, staring at him. 

"Hyo, what are you doing?" asked Hinata.

"Shut up! I'm spying!" 

"Hyo?" Mayumi looked down at him. 

"Aha! You've been cheating on me with Nekketsu-sensei! Just you wait! I'll have my vengeance!"

"I gave her another egg for her project, baka!" 

Hinata ad Batsu were looking up his skirt now.

"Are those panties?" asked Batsu.

"No, their—"

"OH MY GOD! FIRST THE VD CLINC NOW PANTIES! THIS IS TOO GOOD!" Said Ran as she stood up in the bushes. 

"Don't you do something other than snoop around?" asked Batsu.

"I wasn't snooping this time!" said Ran.

"Well what were you doing?" 

Roberto stood up too fixing his collar as they both blushed. 

"What were you two doing?" asked Batsu with a grin.

"Uh, looking for something." 

"Well, hope you find it." He said happily. "We're gonna get back to humiliating Hyo."

"How bout you not and say you did!" said Hyo.

"NEVER!" The two chorused.

"Well since you're here I have some good news."

"You're gonna help me up." 

"No I just saved money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!"

"But you don't have a car." 

"Yes, that's why I got it for your car. Besides I found out why I'm so sleepy. I'm a narcoleptic." 

"My god! You must have gotten it from that Mina chick!" said Hinata. "She in the VD clinic so much that she's an honorary member of the staff." 

"No that means I fall asleep at random times." 

"Can you help me up now?" 

"Sure—" suddenly she fell asleep her body draped over the balcony rail. 

"Just let go!" said Hayato as he stood at his car.

"It's too high!" 

"I'll help you!" he said happily. "But first…" 

He then took several pictures of him in his skirt with a disposable camera. "This is definitely going up on kurowsnakedmom.com!"

"Are you done yet?!" asked Hyo. 

"No, okay students! On the count of three we all point and laugh at Hyo. One…two…three!" 

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

They all paused and took a deep breath.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Okay Imawano, let go and I'll catch you." Said Hayato.

He held out his arms to catch the boy. But when Hyo let go the man jumped away, causing Hyo to land flat on his back. 

"Why…didn't you…catch…me?" 

"I realized that I don't like you that much. See you in class, Imawano!" 

"Maybe we should go before anyone else sees us." 

"Yeah." Said Roberto. Suddenly Mina popped up.

"HEY THIS IS MY BUSH!" 

Hideo popped up too.

"HEY I THOUGHT YOU LEARNED NOT TO TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL!"

"Sorry!" said Mina sweat dropping.

"Shimazu, explain yourself!"

"Well, I'm a man. I have to get it from somewhere." 

"Good enough!" said Hayato.

"Roy, you seem sad." Said Tiffany. "Do you want me to jump rope for you?"

"Other times I would say yes but now it's different. I would like to get to know Akira but I think she doesn't like me." 

"What makes you think that?"

"Because she said she didn't like me." 

"Well…just ask her out."

"Okay then."

Just then Akira was walking down to the store when Roy jumped in front of her.

"I need to ask you something!" he paused. "Will you go out with me?"

"Suddenly Daigo appeared.

"No! and as her brother I am prepared to hit you very hard!"

"Anki, I can make my own decisions!"

"And as your brother I am to disapprove of all of them!" he said happily.

"I would like to go out with you—"

"But I won't hand her over with out a fight!"

"Well bring it on, scar!" 

"Okay , Blondie." 

Tiffany stepped in between them.

"Okay people. Make love not war." 

"But I don't want him, I want Akira." Said Roy.

"You know what I meant." 

The two young men glared at each other. 

"Isn't there a peaceful way to settle this?" said Akira to Tiffany. Tiffany paused in thought. 

"Okay, I've got it. Cheerleading. That way you can both bring it." 

"It?" they all asked.

"YES! IT! NOW TO THE GORIN STADIUM!"

Meanwhile, Iincyo was humming to herself as she began to boil water. Absent-mindedly she put her egg into the water. Suddenly, Bowman appeared at the door.

"IINCYO WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?"

"Uhh…" She tried to think of something. "The egg…I was…baptizing it." 

"In boiling water?"

"Uh, I wanted it to be sterile…" 

Bowman arched an eyebrow at her. 

"Okay fine. I'm boiling it." She sighed. "Do you want me to take it out." 

"No. It's probably in purgatory by now. Everyone goes there before heaven."

"So even if your good you still have to suffer more after you're dead to get into heaven?"

"Yeah." 

"…well, I'll just skip all that and remain a heathen at least there won't be any stops on the way." She glanced at the egg. "Bowman I'm sorry, will you and your vengeful god forgive me?"

"Of course." 

They both stood there in silence listening to the boiling water. 

"Hey Bowman, you want egg salad?" 

"I would love some." 

"…You idiot, why did you forget about the sheets?!?" grumbled Natsu.

"It was hard to remember when we had to sneak into that damn clinic."

Shoma and Natsu had suffered a regression of the crabs and were practically clawing themselves.

"Do you think we'll die from this?" asked Shoma. 

"How stupid does that sound? Dying from crabs." Natsu laughed. "You gotta be kidding me…d-do you really think we'll die." 

"I hope you burn in hell for this." 

"Why? Were burning now." She retorted. 

"Well I almost hope I go to hell. Fire will kill these damn things." 

"Didn't your brother decide to get us some drugs?" asked Natsu.

"Sorry but he only lets Nagare touch his stash." 

"I meant medicine."

"Oh yeah…" Shoma's cell phone rung and he looked at it. "It's Tiffany. She is sending me a message. She wants us to open up the stadium." 

"Oh god, my back!"  
"Are you listening to me?!?" 

Natsu began rubbing her back against the wall. 

"Hey don't do that! It will spread!"

"Well then do you have any suggestions?" 

Shoma thought about it.

"Put your back against mine. It can't get any worse." 

And so it happed. Shuuichi arrive with Nagare watching them and trying not to laugh.

"Shut up!" snapped Shoma. "We were scratching an itch." 

"Most people say doing it." He teased. 

"Once I get rid of these crabs I'm gonna kill you…and if you tell dad or grandpa then I'm gonna still kill you and them. So there will be a lot of killing." 

He then shot an angry glance at Nagare.

"I know you have a big mouth but show some restraint Nagare-kun."

Nagare stood there quietly. 

Roy tugged at his uniform.

"I can't believe they make guys cheerleading uniforms." 

"I can't believe they make guys cheer." Said Bastu. He turned to Hinata. :How could I let you talk me into this." 

"I believe your boner made all the negotiations." Said Hinata cheerfully. She then looked around. "Where are Shoma and Natsu?"

"They probably went to get staplers for your mouth." Muttered Batsu.

"What was that?" she asked. 

"Nothing."

"Why are we in Gorin Stadium? None of us go here." Said Akira. 

"That's the point." Said Tiffany. "In case there is a fight do you really want them to trash your school's stadium." 

"I guess…" 

"Where are they?" said Roy. Suddenly the lights went out and a spotlight came on. Daigo appeared with his posse wearing red and black Gedo Koukou cheerleading uniforms. He folded his arms. 

"Have you brought it?" he asked. 

"Oh I have broughtened it alright and I'm gonna bring it till it hurts!" said Roy. "Isn't that right guys?" 

He looked around to see only Batsu remained. The lights came on in the whole area as Batsu and Roy looked at each other. 

"You know we're majorly fucked right?" said Bastu.

"Yeah, but my foolish pride won't let me run away." 

Meanwhile Shoma and Natsu were under the bleachers scratching. 

"This is so funny." Said Shoma. "You gotta see this Natsu." 

"Yeah, yeah, shut up and scratch!"

"I can't believe you are a…a himo!" screamed Yurika. "This will not stand with me." 

"Well, I don't care." Said Kyosuke. "Only heaven and hell can change me…and why do you care we're only married for a month." 

Yurika blushed. 

"Well maybe I like you. I care about you and this shady pimping will only lead to your demise." 

"Right and I'm the dalai lama."

The doorbell rang and she got up and opened it to see her friend Sizune.

"This is my best friend Sizune." She said happily. 

Kyosuke rolled his eyes. 

"That's your only friend." He grumbled. 

Yurika then walked back to her room and screamed. 

"GET OUT YOU FREAK MONKEY!" She snapped. Kurow ran out sticking his tongue out at her. 

"Just for that I left you a little present on your bed!" he laughed and he dashed to his room and locked the door. An ear-shattering scream tore through the house. 

"KUROW YOU PERVERTED FILTHY DOG! I HAVE TO CLAEN THIS ROOM AGAIN!"

Kyosuke and Sizune looked at each other nervously. 

"Um, you kinda get used to it." She assured him.

"Really?" he asked as he heard the sound of a chainsaw revving up. She sighed. 

"No…you never get used to it." 

"So you're a musician…" 

"yeah…"

Yurika couldn't get into Kurow's room because he had siphoned the gas from its tank. She walked down the hallway and was about to enter with the chainsaw when she suddenly threw it aside. 

"At least look normal." She told herself in the reflection. She then walked to the living room and froze. Kyosuke and Sizune were on the couch making out.

"AHEM!" She said loudly.

Kyosuke said 'bless you' and continued. Yurika grabbed a flower vase and threw it at him. It hit the back of his head. She then grabbed Sizune and dragged her out. 

"GET OUT! YOU STUPID TRATEROUS WHORE! I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" She threw out the girl's purse among other things that actually belonged to her. She then leered at the girl as she walked off. She suddenly grew happy. 

"Call me!" she sang. She returned to looking evil as she turned to Kyosuke. 

"Before I do anything, would you mind telling me what you were doing on top of my friend.?" 

"I would but I'll say it anyway…we were making out." Yurika's eye twitched. "Look, you are very pretty but I need some one human…with a backbone."

Yurika suddenly began to laugh. 

"Is that it?" she said chuckling. "Hold on one second." 

She then disappeared into her room. 

"What is she up to?" asked Kyosuke.

"You should run while you can." Said Kurow. "That bitch is crazy." 

"She shares blood with you." He grumbled. "That much would make everyone crazy." 

Suddenly they both heard the crack of a whip and grew tense. They turned to see Yurika in a new outfit. She was clad a teddy and thigh-high boots with matching gloves and a ten-foot bullwhip in her hand, all leather. She had a demented grin on her face. 

"O…k…" 

She cracked the whip again.

"You will speak when I tell you too, little puppy!" 

Kyosuke stood up.

"Look here you frigid bit—"

"I believe you are mistaken…" She nicked him in the shoulder with the whip. "YOU are the bitch…" 

"Ow…" 

"Aww…did that hurt?" she cooed. "HOUW ABOUT THIS?!?"

She began whipping him on his back. 

"OR THIS! OR THIS! OR THIS!" She laughed manically. 

If there was one thing Kyosuke learned about whips it was that they really hurt. She had gracefully managed to land all the licks on his back. 

"Say who's your master little puppy!" she ordered as she hit him again.

"Okay Yurika, you are! You are!! I've had enough!"

"DID I TELL YOU TO SPEAK?!?" 

She gave him another lick. She then paused in thought.

"…I don't like my coming out of your mouth!" She then grinned. "You will call me Mistress!" 

"Like hell I'm calling you that—" 

He was greeted with another barrage from Yurika's whip. 

"YAAAH! OKAY! MISTRESS! MISTRESS!"

Kurow was sitting back with some popcorn watching this. Yurika glared at him. 

"You're next freak boy!" she threatened. 

Kurow grinned. 

"That's why I'm waiting." 

They both shuddered. 

"Give me back my egg you whore-slut-bitch!" screamed Edge. 

"Not until you pay the ransom!" sang Mina. 

"And what's that?" asked Zaki.

"I want Edge naked on my bed. That's all." 

"Well you can't get what you want." Said Zaki. "Especially if it's Edge!" 

"If you change your mind I'll be at my apartment." She sang.

Later the two stood at Mina's door.

"Y'know, if we barge in there she'll call the cops and we go to jail." Said Zaki.

"I can handle jail." 

"Fine get locked up and get a dick shoved up your ass. I don't care." She retorted. Edge froze and shuddered. 

"Well what do you suggest we do?" 

"I know someone who might be able to help…" said Zaki. 

Ayane appeared.

"Hey I thought the Boss was gonna show." Said Edge.

"Oh he had to bring it." 

Edge turned to Zen and Koji. 

"What are you two doing here?" 

"Were part of Momo's crew. Were the P unit!"

"Yeah."

"P unit?" Zaki looked at Edge who shrugged. 

"Yeah bi-och!" said Momo. "We snuck into Pulp Fiction and saw it six times, then we listened to Lil' Jon and the Eastside Boyz now I'm gonna get crunk in this piece!"

"P unit?" Was all Zaki could say.

"What's the problem?" asked Ayane.

"Mina." Said both Zaki and Edge in unison. 

"How many time do we have to kick her ass?!?" said Ayane. 

With that they barged in and promptly served Mina a fresh can of get-right. Then they looted her apartment. Again.   
"Yeah, don't mess with the Pink!" said Koji.

"Shut up and get this loot to the pawn shop!" snapped Ayane. 

Momo threw her hands in the air. 

"Momo is what-gone!" she said happily as they all went to the pawnshop together.

Of course Ran and Roberto had went to this house to finish what they were doing in the bushed when Ran noticed that his snake aquarium was empty.

"Oh my mom took the snake out to clean it." He assured her. 

"…okay." She shuddered. "I hate snakes." 

Suddenly she felt something hard moving up her thigh. She grinned.

"Robbie, you naughty boy!"

"Ran that's not me…" 

She looked down to see a seven-foot boa constrictor wrapping itself around her leg. She screamed and jumped away. 

"Ran, calm down it's just a baby!" said Roberto.

"Fuck that! That's a big ass snake!"

Ran immediately started screaming profanity in Japanese, while Roberto was screaming at her in Portuguese to get off of his bookcase. Suddenly it creaked loudly. They both froze in silence. In the next moment it had collapse. Roberto cleared some of the debris away and helped her up.

"…Where's the baby…" she asked. 

Roberto turned to see the snake swallowing the egg. It moved down its body in a lump until it cracked.

"…better you not know." He said quietly.

"Well, I never thought I'd say it but, Cheerleading is hard. " Said Roy. They were all at Kurow and Yurika's house afterward.

"But you put up a fine fight!" said Daigo.

"Really?" said Roy.

"No." he said casually. "You got served with extreme prejudice. But since you were willing to meet my challenge I will allow you to date my sister."

"Who wants cupcakes!" sang Tiffany. "I found three eggs and made some." 

"Hey, where are our kids?" asked Zaki. 

"Oops…" 

"Well, I'm hungry." Said Gan. 

"You're always hungry." Said Edge. 

"You cooked our children!" said Hinata. 

"I'm gonna flunk…again!" said Batsu. 

They all began screaming at each other when Daigo spoke.

"You have to bring the eggs to class right?" they all grew quiet. "Well if you bring the cupcakes then technically your bringing your children so just say a cupcake for each of you and you'll be okay."

They all agreed. 

"Thank you for the lovely funeral services." Said Hinata. 

"You're welcome." Said Bowman.

"And if I fail this class you'll have one more service to do." Zaki glared at Tiffany who laughed nervously. They had a mini-service before class. 

Meanwhile, Kyouske was in the nurse's office. Since Kyoko was too drunk to perform, Umi had taken over.

"Kyosuke…I don't mean to pry but what happened to your back…"

"I fell on a rake." He growled.

"Okay…"

After everyone had taken his or her seats, Hayato took role and then looked around. 

"Where is Minazuki?" he asked. 

"She passed out in the nurses office." Said Umi. 

Hayato growled in agitation. 

"Anyway, who has their eggs…" Everyone was silent. "Somebody does… and there's no food in class Ichimonji." 

"NO these are our eggs…or what's left of them." 

"Cupcakes?"  
"Tiffany accidentally made cupcakes with them…we still get credit right?" asked Hinata. 

Hayato ignored her and then shook trying to hold back his anger. 

"DOES…ANYBODY…HAVE THEIR EGG….AS AN EGG….TODAY?!?"

"Right here!" said Gan. "We have our child." 

"Are you serious?!?" 

"Gan and Momo may be crippin' but he and Momo aren't trippin'" said Momo.

"Well I guess that means you two are good parents then…" 

"Can I eat the egg now?" asked Gan.

"Do what you want with it." Said Hayato. 

Gan swallowed the egg, shell and all.

"Gan! That egg wasn't cooked or refrigerated." Said Zaki. "What will you do if you get sick?"

"I'll worry about that when the time comes." He said with a grin.

"Okay, I will give you one more chance if you all can explain yourselves." Said Hayato. 

They all began screaming at him at once. The crack of the shinai caused them all to grow silent as the teacher glared at them. 

"That is it!!!" he screamed. "I HAVE HAD IT!!! YOU HAVE MANAGED TO SABOTAGE EVERY ONE OF THESE EXERCISES! I WILL GIVE YOU ALL ONE MORE CHANCE AND IF YOU BLOW IT I WILL PERSONALLY FUCK YOU AND YOUR GRADE UP!!" 

"Ain't no need for all that fuckin' foul language and shit!" said Edge.

"Yeah," added Zaki. "Some bitches in here have low self-esteem and shit." 

"I don't think it will help if you refer to them as bitches." Said Tiffany. 

"Fuck you, bitch." Said Edge. 

"Shut the fuck up." Said Zaki. "It's your fault six of us have an F now, bitch." 

"Sorry." Said Tiffany. "…but if it make you feel any better I have an F too." 

"Actually it does." Said Zaki. 

"Wanna go shopping after school?" 

"Okay!" 

"Great," grumbled Edge. "What next, she and Mina will be blood sisters?" 

"What is out assignment, Nekketsu-sensei?" asked Kyosuke. 

"You will have to spend 48 hours together. If you can't do this just tell me now and I'll save both of us time and flunk you now." 

"I think we'd rather get the F later Nekketsu sensei." Said Hinata. Hayato looked as if he were going to kill her.

"Get out…" he growled. 

"But we just got here—" 

"GET OUT!" 

Everyone managed to clear the classroom within seconds. Hayato took out a bottle of whisky and took as swig. He then threw it in a pile with other empty bottles. He put his head on the desk and sighed. At least it was almost over. 

A/N: So you see all the children died…but at least they have the memories. But can the couples spend two days together when some can't even get along for two minutes. Not without bloodshed…see ya then!

Well now, I've gotten quite a few readers. I think some thank-yous are in order…

AmRo: A little scary but I'm glad you liked it that much to threaten me and all. ;

orangeling: Short but nice...

migo: Glad I made you laugh so hard

???: Don't know who you are but I'm glad to keep you laughing.

Chan Yoruyamatiha: Cool name and thanks for reviewing!

SBChuck2000: Glad ya liked it 

fle: Happy to have caught your interest.

malz: I'm glad you're such a good sport. I got flamed quite a bit about the Catholic part.

Gouki: You read my saga too and I'm glad you liked both of them. 

Leela Debris: You were with me when I started and thanks for the inspiration.

marie dessolantos: thanks for taking the time to email me your opinions. 

Chaser: I haven't spoken to ya in a while but thank you too for inspiration!


	4. Domestic Disturbances

Disclaimer: I own nothing, damn it!

A/N: Well, it has been a while but once again I have been compelled to be as stupid as possible with one of my favorite fighting videogames. Yes, Hyo is alternating between Mugen (Demon Hyo) and the hand-puppet version of his wife.

Chapter IV: Domestic Disturbances

And now…a public service announcement from your favorite faculty members...

"As you all have heard, I tend to indulge in alcohol on the job from time to time," said Kyoko. "According to certain tight-asses—"

"Minazuki-sensei," snapped Hyo.

Kyoko rolled her eyes in agitation.

"Anyway, let me assure you that I am just a social drinker and since I'm around people all the time, I drink all the time, 'nuff said."

"Some people think my indulgence is wrong, but there are those who support me, no matter what I do. Here's some testimony from fellow faculty about me..."

"Kyoko sensei is a kind and caring individual," said Hideo. "She so generous—after this PSA she's even planning to give me a BJ! And this time she won't charge!

"I don't care how much she drinks 'cause I know that one of these days," said Hayato. "…when she's blitzed, she'll let me tap that ass."

"What, oh, yeah. Minazuki-san is…is…wait who the fuck is she?"

"She's one of your teacher's she's on the payroll," said Shizuku

"Oh well if I'm her boss then I don't have to be here."

With that he walked off. Shizuku shrugged and followed him.

"See they all think I'm okay. Just so you all know, I am more that capable to educate the students. Now enjoy the rest of the story, while I pleasure people with my mouth!"

Today in the Sawamura household, the day began with a different start. Shoma had decided to sleep in a little late since it was a Saturday. The only class he had was the one with all the other students about marriage. As he lay there, his phone rang…and rang…and rang (you get the point!) Shoma's phone rang for about ten minutes before he answered.

"Hello," he grumbled, still groggy from sleep.

"Shoma, it's Natsu," said the girl with a painfully chipper tone. "Guess what? My crabs are gone!"

Shoma groaned.

"What makes you think I care?"

"I thought you'd be happy for me, nematode!"

Shoma paused for a moment. "Wait, you're crabs are gone! Mine are still here, you bitch!"

"Sucks to be you," sang the girl.

"Oh, no! If I'm going to suffer you are going to suffer! I'm gonna…I'm gonna give YOU crabs!"

"What the heck! That's not right!"

"Oh, yes it is! You're gonna be as miserable as I am!"

"Like hell I am shrimp-boy," she snapped and then followed with an abrupt disconnection.

Later that morning, Shoma stormed down to breakfast. His brother, father, and grandfather were already there eating. After a few moments, Shoma's father put down his newspaper and spoke.

"So son, how goes the project?"

"I'm giving Natsu crabs."

"…" Everyone stared at him.

"She gave them to me first."

"How did she get them?" Asked his father.

"The hell if I know. But I'm gonna give them back!"

"Friends don't give friends VD, son."

"She's not my friend, she's my wife."

"Still," said his father. "You don't give your wife VD."

"At least not intentionally, anyway," added his grandfather.

Shoma looked at him and then turned to his brother. Shuuichi sighed and shook his head.

"Look Shoma, think about this. Do you really want to make Natsu suffer? Think of all the good times."

Shoma paused and thought about it. He couldn't really remember any good times…but he did remember something…

_Shoma was walking to class when he bumped into Natsu._

"_Hey, watch where you're going!"_

"_I'm sorry," said Natsu. "I didn't see you." _

The words echoed on in his head.

"… _I didn't see you…see you…see you…see you…" _

Shuuichi frowned.

"You shouldn't get so hung up over one little mistake. She probably didn't even mean it!"

"But she pulled that crap every day for a year! I'll be she'll be looking for me now!" With that Shoma went out to search for Natsu.

Meanwhile Ran and Roberto had decided to finish up there packet. When they got to the 'interests and hobbies'Roberto mentioned guns. In turn,Ran went off into a tangent about how guns were bad

"Listen guns don't kill people. People kill people. And they don't just do it with guns. A long time ago there were no guns and then they just chopped people up with swords. Then one day they got tired because they kept getting carpal tunnel and then they invented guns…" Ran frowned. "Now what was I talking about?"

"Wanna see my gun, chica?"

"You're so bad." Ran giggled.

"...It's a desert eagle."

"Why is it that you're taking so long with your part of the packet, Robbie-kun?"

"I just have a difficult time deciding on things. Give me time to think and I'll never make up my mind."

"Well, what if I hold this gun to your head?"

"That might work."

"What if I like, threaten to pull the trigger?"

"…" he stared at her for a few moments. "That's brilliant!"

"Okay Momo, question one: What do you think makes a happy marriage?"

"Well, Shoma-san has promised to marry Momo! We will be together forever and gorilla woman will die alone and friendless like the worms she came from."

"…" Gan stared at her. "Well, good luck with that."

"Momo doesn't understand why people are annoyed with Momo," she said feigning innocence. In truth she knew that she was annoying. In fact on top of that, she was a compulsive liar but she was well aware of this.

"Oh no! Halloween and Friday the 13th are on the same day this year!"

"That can't be right."

"I'm dyslexic and superstitious! So sue me!"

"Momo would but she has better things to do."

"Well, do you know when she will be available?"

"You are talking to Momo, baka!"

"Momo, do you love me?"

"It depends on if you love Momo. The more you love Momo, the more Momo loves you."

"But Shoma doesn't seem to like you but you like him…a lot…"

"Please, Shoma is just being blind to his emotions. Soon, he will see that he and Momo are meant to be and come running to Momo."

"Well, good luck with that too…so do you love me or not?"

Momo groaned and rolled her eyes. An evil smile then spread across her face.

"Momo thinks that fire hydrant out there loves you."

"Really!"

"Yeah, why don't you go and ask it!"

Gan then grabbed Momo, tucked her under his arm and went out to the fire hydrant.

"Hey, do you love me?" He asked. Momo whined. Gan nodded with understanding. "It's okay, take your time."

"I don't understand this," said Tiffany. "There's no sex part in this packet."

"You don't have to really have sex with your partner," said Yurika.

"But it is an added bonus," said Kurow. He then chuckled. "Bone...heh...heh…"

"But you just happened to marry a person who would screw anything that walks and then some," said the girl.

"Not true," snapped Kurow. "Paraplegics need love too!"

"Not your kind you freak monkey!"

"Shut up," she snapped.

"What are you gonna do, whip me?"

"No! You like that shit you kinky bastard!"

She then shoved him into the pool. Kurow struggled to get out but couldn't.

"Help me!" he screamed. Tiffany and Yurika just stared at him. "Oh, don't jump up at once!"

"Here's a donut!" screamed Tiffany. She threw the life preserver to him.

"That not a—" The life preserver then knocked him out. Kurow floated around, face down in the pool.

"I think he's dead." Said Tiffany.

"Please don't get my hopes up."

Nagare then appeared beside them.

"Have any of you seen Shoma? He is trying to give Natsu crabs."

"Aww," cooed Tiffany. "It's cute when people give presents."

"I don't think it's those kinds of crabs," said Yurika. "...and no."

"…Goodness, that minor is drowning!" he screamed before jumping in and pulling Kurow out. He was unresponsive so Nagare gave him mouth to mouth. Kurow then opened his eyes and stared at the man for a few moments. Nagare frowned, put his fingers in Kurow's mouth and took back his gum and started chewing it.

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU," he screamed.

"Mr. Nagare is a nice man who likes to run around in his skivvies." Said Tiffany.

"It's a Speedo, dear," said Kurow. "And that was just wrong! So very wrong!"

"Happy to be of service minors! Good day!"

With that Nagare ran off.

"My life flashed before my eyes!" said Kurow. "And I have come to realize that I need to do more charity."

"Okay, you can teach me Japanese," sang Tiffany.

"Uh, sure why not," said Kurow. "Let's see. Talk to me in what Japanese you know."

"Okay…uh…me love you long time…I rule you…take it from the back door baby!.

Kurow's eyes widened in shock. He blinked and then grinned.

"Did I do good?"

"Yeah…In fact, I got a good use for your Japanese."

Kurow did have use for it. Within a few moments he had started an adult hotline, with Tiffany as his only operator. Needless to say at the same time, Hideo had decided to personally call all the students and notify them of the upcoming trip when the blond answered.

"Hello, dirty talk for you, me love you long time," sang Tiffany in broken Japanese.

"Uh…I think I've dialed the wrong number," said Hideo. "Tiffany, is that you?"

"Uh…me love you long time?"

Hideo sighed when Kurow picked up the line.

"Look man, if you're gonna chat, you pay!"

"Young man, this is your teacher, Shimizu Hideo!"

"Oh, shit! Tiffany hang up!"

"Thank you for dirty talk mister! 199.99 will be charge to your phone bill! Bye bye!"

With that they both hung up on Hideo. The teacher blinked in shock and then hung up.

"Well, so much for that…"

Akira rubbed her eyes in pain. They were sore from the bright light of the morning.

"What was I thinking, spending the night at your place. There was nothing but partying all night."

"Not true. We only party during the day. We rock and roll all night!"

"What's that?"

Roy held up the avocado."

"Ah, Avocado, the American of all the foods!"

"Aren't those from Mexico?"

He ignored her and continued to chop it up.

"Ah yeah, good ol' American Avocado."

The doorbell then rang.

"Son, it's your dad. Me and your grandfather have come to visit!"

Roy looked at Akira with terror.

"What is it?"

"My grandfather hates Asians! I have to do something with you!"

"I can't leave yet!"

"Crap…well. I'll think of something!"

Roy and his tow guest sat at the table with Akira. The old man glared at the girl.

"What are you, girl…" he asked.

"I…I'm…"

"—she's from Iceland…like Bjork!"

"Really…well what language do they speak in Iceland?"

"Dad," said Roy's father.

"Um…Icelandenireiteriesinan…?"

"That's sounds close enough!"

"Wow…I though you were Japanese," said Roy.

"Baka," snapped Akira.

"Japanese," growled the old man. "JAPANESE! AAAAAAAHHHH! AHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAHHH!"

"Now look at what wave of terror your have started," said his father.

"I forgot!" said Roy.

"AAAAAAAAHHHH! BACK IN THE DAY! I CAN STILL SEE 'EM! THE SUFFERING CHILDREN…LOOK AT THIS!"

He then ripped off his clothes to reveal nothing but a g-string with the American flag design. Akira blinked and then screamed in horror, followed by Roy and his father, and then the old man himself.

"AAAAAHHHH HA HA HA HA HA! I love that one. Welcome to the family! May all your dreams come true."

"My eyes hurt." Said Akira.

"Gee, grandpa, can that thing go up any further up your ass," asked Roy.

"IF I PULL IT OVER MY SHOULDERS IT CAN!"

And he did so…and proceeded to strut around Roy's dorm.

"What's the matter," he asked. "Is this too squeamish for you whippersnappers? I used to stick all sorts of things up here when I had to fight you japs! Guns, ammo, food, Roy's watch—"

"—Ugh!" Roy quickly threw it off. Then he forgot why and put it back on.

"In fact I bet I could stick you up here!" he snapped, pointing to Akira.

"Let's not and say we did."

"I see! A non-believer!"

Akira ran out into the hallway with Roy following her.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"That! In there! It…It…IT MADE MY EYES BLEED! IT MADE ME WANNA DO BAD THINGS! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE I'M GETTING OUR MARRIAGE ANNULLED!"

"Aww, don't do that. Grandpa's not all that bad—"

"—BEHOLD, MY ASS HAS SWALLOWED MY WHOLE HAND, YET IT HUNGERS FOR MORE!"

Roy blinked.

"Can I stay at your place?"

Akira sighed.

"Out of pity I can't say no…"

Edge and Zaki had decided to skip today to spend time together and try and repair the damage Mina left behind. Of course, Edge also hoped to get some action from this, too but his intentions were good for the most part.

"Uh, so," said Edge. "You still mad."

"Nah. I was before but I just thought I would be stupid to get angry over something that happened a while ago."

"That's the spirit—"

Zaki then grabbed him and jacked him up against a wall.

"But if you ever cheat on me, I will cut off your dick and feed it to you, cut up and mixed with beans."

She then let him go and glared at him, a psychotic gleam in her eye. She then returned to a normal, happy expression and smiled. "It is nice that we finally got a break from Mina," said Zaki. "Although I was pretty close to cold cocking that bitch."

"Please, I think Mina's had enough cock for a lifetime," said Edge.

"Including yours," she growled.

"Look, how many times have I said that I was sorry. It was before you and stuff."

"Fine, fine. We will put this behind us."

"Sit yo ass down and grab a bowl, 'cause you're goin' down on crunchy hos."

"Crunchy hoes. The cereal that will bitch-slap your hunger!"

Edge blinked in shock as Zaki chuckled.

"Oh, you think that's funny!" he snapped.

"Well at least she's not here—"

The words had barely escaped her mouth when a limo pulled up. Mina stepped out and wrapped her arms around Edge kissing the air on either side of his cheeks. She then moved to hug Zaki but stopped and shrugged.

"Well, I see you are still setting for second best. I just stopped by to say hi, and offer you a second chance at our relationship."

"In case you hadn't noticed, he's in one," growled Zaki.

"Right, you. You would think that he would be willing to go with someone more photogenic."

"Look, you better get lost before the next place they see your picture is on a milk carton!"

"How dare you," she snapped.

"Don't you have to give your agent head or something?"

"For your information, I did that already," she laughed. "Fine, I gave you a chance…but if she makes you happy, I'll leave you alone. You know what they say, one man's trash is another man's…treasure…"

With that the limo drove off. Zaki clenched her fists.

"Uh, are you okay—"

"Come on! Let's go!"

"Where we goin''?"

"To your place! We're gonna have some sex! You got a problem with that!"

"No—No ma'am!"

"I didn't think so!"

Iincyo and Bowman were in the middle of another heated argument about religion. However Iincyo was actually making some good points and Bowman was loosing his edge.

"See the fact is that in order to be a good person you have to tolerate other religions too! No one wants to hear about how they're going to hell—"

Bowman then grabbed her face.

"—Let her go, Devil," he bellowed. "Let her go!"

"What," snapped Iincyo. She shoved him away. "I don't believe this! You just don't like the fact that what I'm saying is right! Catholicism is flawed in many ways!"

"The demon is strong; I must bring out holy water!"

He then brought it out and started to throw it on the girl.

"Like that's gonna—OH GOD IT BURNS! AHH! IT'S TRUE! I BELIEVE! MAYBE I AM POESSESED BY THE DEVIL!"

"You're not the devil, Iincyo. That holy water was actually bleach."

"You threw bleach on me!"

"Yes."

"That's deception!"

"But I got you to believe so it's justified."

"I HATE YOU! YOU STUPID PRIEST! I'LL KILL YOU," She screamed as she lunged towards him. Bowman pulled her into a crushing bear hug.

"LET HER GO DEVIL! IN THE NAME OF JESUS! HEAL THIS CHILD!"

"CAN'T…BREATHE!"

Hinata and Batsu walked in and stared at this.

"Batsu we have to do something," said the girl.

"Okay," with that he turned to leave. She then grabbed him.

"No! Something to help."

"Hinata, you know what my dad told me about domestic violence? He said that silence is always the answer."

"You're dad hasn't been with a woman in years, what would he know?"

"Then you do something."

Hinata immediately started barking like a dog. The annoying little small dog that has an inferiority complex. Bowman and Iincyo stopped and stared at her.

"What are you doing," asked Bowman.

"I'm stopping the violence." Said Hinata.

"GOD…IT'S HIDEOUS!" Screamed Batsu. "THAT SOUND!"

"You mean this," she started to bark again. Batsu pressed himself against the wall and screamed in terror and started to cry. "This is fun!" sang Hinata. She then walked up to him and continued to bark.

"Well, at least we're not like them," said Bowman.

"Yeah, let's go get some fried food," said Iincyo.

"Thank you for escorting me to Hyo's dorm," said Mayumi.

"No problem," said Raizo. "You can repay me with oral sex."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing, nothing," he laughed. "I'll just pull me dick out on you while you're sleeping or something."

"Okay…"

They approached the door to Hyo's room.

"See the uncanny thing about our dorms is that the number is also the student's birthday," explained Raizo.

"But what if someone has the same birthday?"

"Then we just change their birthday, now get in there and start servicing my nephew!"

With that he shoved her into Hyo's room and shut the door, locking it. Mayumi looked around.

"Hyo? Are you in here?"

"I see you have approached me in my private chambers," said a voice from the shadows. She gasped as Hyo emerged, but in that moment he tripped over his cape and fell on her.

"Well, that wrecked it," he grumbled. He looked down to see that Mayumi was once again unconscious. "Are you kidding me!"

He gently began to pat her face.

"Wake up…" he then grew impatient and began to shake her. "Wake up!"

Raizo then barged in and stared at the two

"This isn't what it looks like! She passed out! I was trying to revive her."

"Judging by your position it looked like you were giving her an STD."

"I don't have those! My brother might though."

Mayumi opened her eyes and Hyo dropped her. She hit her head but she remained conscious.

"Itai…what is your problem you lunatic! I am leaving! You can finish this project yourself, Imawano!"

With that she stormed out, past Raizo.

"Ha, ha!" said the principal before slamming the door.

"Leave me will you!" He snapped. He then took out several markers and began to draw on his hand. "I've got something for her!"

With that he created a hand puppet version of Mayumi. He smirked.

"I see you came back."

"Oh Hyo I just had to see you again!" said the puppet.

"Come my darling, let us dance," said Hyo. With that, he tried to waltz with his hand puppet but ended up tripping over his own feet and falling to the floor. He then jumped back up.

"So much for that…so enough of this, what do you wish to do my dear Umi?" The hand puppet then proceeded to rip off his shirt while dragging him to the bedroom.

"Oh, you naughty thing!"

Kyoko had locked her keys into her car and luckily managed to call her favorite locksmith and shopping buddy, Yamizaki.

"Kyoko-sensei! Hai!"

"Man, am I glad to see you, if anyone can open my jalopy it's you."

"No problem, I'll get this door open in a jiffy, hai-hai!"

He then kneeled down and went at it.

"So how's things here?"

"Fine. All the students have been forced to marry against their wills but they're minors so no one really cares what they think."

"What about Hyo, is he up to anything?" He said as he opened the door.

"No, no, of course not," she reassured him.

"Really," he asked with suspicion.

"I can assure you that Hyo is totally fine—"

Upon saying that, Hyo leaned out, nude and screamed.

"STUDENTS, I HAVE MADE IT WITH A WOMAN! INFORM THE REPORTER GIRL!"

They both watched as Hyo returned indoors and Yamizaki stared at Kyoko with a worried expression. Kyoko shrugged.

"Well, he's fine…for Hyo."

Mayumi knocked on the door and Hyo peeked out.

"Yes?"

"I need to talk to you," said the girl. "Are you busy?"

Hyo frowned and ducked back behind the door slamming it shut. She heard voices, as if he were arguing with someone

"Hyo, I wanted to apologize for yesterday and I was hoping that there was a way to make it up to you—"

"There isn't now go away!" said another voice.

"Is there someone in there with you?"

"Only the woman I made love to last nig—"

"Why are you telling her our business? You weren't even all that great!"

"What are you saying?"

"You suck in bed, you loser."

"She's right son. You're pretty crappy." added Demon Hyo.

"Shut up! All of you shut up!"

While all this has been going on the girl walked in. Mayumi looked around nervously. She saw no one else. All the voices were coming from Hyo.

"I'm leaving you for your father, since you wanna cheat on me!" said the puppet.

"No, don't please! I love you!"

"Sorry son, she wants to be with a real man" said Demon Hyo

"Umm, Hyo…Sorry to interrupt but who are you talking to"

"And who are you?" snapped the puppet.

"I'm Mayumi—"

"Please you are not! I am!"

"No I am!"

"I would never walk out looking like a wet dog in heat! I am bee-yoo-tee-ful! You are trash!"

"That's not nice," said Hyo.

"Shut up! You don't own me!"

"Yeah shut up Hyo." said Demon Hyo. Hyo grew furious as he took out his sword. He prepared to chop his hand off.

"You want freedom! I'll give you freedom—"

"Hyo!" Mayumi grabbed his free hand, the one with the puppet drawn on.

"Get your hands off me you imposter!"

With that the hand puppet punched her in the face. Mayumi got up and adjusted her jaw.

"You bitch," she said as she lunged at Hyo.

The two then started wrestling when the puppet grabbed Hyo's sword.

"Stop this, you lunatic!" she screamed.

"I—can't control her," he struggled to keep from attacking, all to no avail. Mayumi dodged him and ran out into the hall way.

"OH NO YOU DON'T! I'LL SHOW YOU WHO IS THE REAL ONE!"

"YEAH, KILL! KILL!" Demon Hyo laughed.

"FATHER! MAYUMI! STOP," He screamed as his body ran after the girl.

Running at full speed, Mayumi tripped over something. She sat up to see Natsu doing the same.

"What are you doing," she asked her.

Natsu looked around with a paranoid look on her face.

"Have you seen Shoma anywhere?"

She shook her head.

"Thank god," she sighed with relief. "That lunatic is trying to give me VD. What's your problem."

"Hyo's hand puppet of me is trying to kill me."

Natsu stared at her for a few moments.

"Wow, that must really suck."

Suddenly, Shoma jumped out of the bushed, laughing manically. Natsu screamed in horror.

"Time to get yours, Natsu!"

"No, don't give me crabs," she screamed. She then grabbed Mayumi and used her as a shield. "Give them to her!"

"NO! I'M ALLERGIC TO SEAFOOD!"

"I don't want to give her crabs…" He said as he approached her. "I want to give YOU crabs!"

Natsu screamed and pushed Mayumi into him. Shoma then caught the girl and threw her to the ground as he chased after her. Mayumi watched as they ran off.

"What a disturbing relationship…"

"TIME TO DIE, IMPOSTER!"

Mayumi screamed as she jumped to her feet and ran with Hyo on her heels. She then ran to another dorm and pounded on the door.

"HELP!" She screamed.

"I'm a little tied up right now!" said Kyosuke.

She opened the door anyway to see Kyosuke in a Taiyo Girls' summer uniform on his knees, with his hands tied at the wrists. His short hair was tied in pigtails. Yurika on the other hand wore nothing more than a black boys' uniform while holding a large wooden paddle in her hands.

"Well, I wasn't lying when I told you I was tied up," he snapped.

"Haven't you savages ever heard of knocking," added Yurika.

"HE'S TRYING TO KILL ME!" She screamed.

"Always putting your needs above others," snapped Yurika.

"Well, if your needs were important than maybe she would be a little considerate, now who's trying to kill you?"

Just then, Demon Hyo burst in.

"I guess that answers that," said Kyosuke.

"Sweet Christ, my son's a fairy!" he screamed.

"No he's not," said Yurika. "We were gonna do it!"

"Yeah, even I have my desperate times."

"Damn you!"

"Well, I am here to sodomize Hyo's wife."

"I don't think that will go over well with her," said Kyosuke."

"Well, if you wish to interfere with my quest for sodomy then I shall punish you."

"You wouldn't dare!"

Kyosuke landed face first on the floor of his dungeon. Yurika then landed on top of him. As the two sat up, Demon Hyo laughed manically as he locked the door.

"Try to stop me now…oh and you look hot in that skirt, Kyosuke."

The then ran off as he laughed evilly.

"Way to mouth off to your dad, you idiot."

"Well that was more than what you were doing!"

They both sat there and sulked until Yurika took out a harmonica and started playing.

"I didn't know you knew how to play harmonica."

She looked at it and smiled.

"Actually, it's my favorite instrument. I've had it since I was little. There's a really nice story behind it."

"Oh?"

"Yes, you see my brother in a drug induced haze hacked a blind homeless war vet to pieces using a rusty saw. We decided that we had to hide the body so we threw it into the river. Our clothes, skin and hair were covered in blood. We had to burn our clothes and wonder the highway naked and cold until a kind truck driver offered to take us home. On the way there, he made us take turns stimulating him with our hands until Kurow cut off his penis and shoved the man out. We then took over the truck and crashed it into a nearby orphanage where we raided the corpses for clothing. While looking my brother found this harmonica and gave it to me."

"Uh…yeah…how nice."

The door suddenly opened to reveal Tiffany and Kurow.

"Oh my god, are you guys okay," asked Tiffany.

"Never better," said Kyosuke.

Tiffany put her hands on her hips as she looked at him with suspicion.

"You guys weren't playing any of your dirty sex games were you?"

"No," they both retorted.

"Aww, I wanted to play."

"Well, if you wanna play all that bad…" Yurika cracked her whip. "—Never mind."

As the two ran out of the basement of the school, Kyosuke filled them in on what was going on.

"So, Hyo's been repossessed. Wow, you Imawanos believe in recycling." Said Kurow. "Well, we have to get there before Mayumi gets hurt! She can't die! She's number 35 on the list of chicks I plan to hit and run this year."

"What number are you at," asked Kyosuke.

"78. She was a last minute change and I like to skip around."

Hayato sat in class, reading the textbook for sex ed.

"Aw, yeah baby. Show daddy some more of that skin…"

Mayumi then ran in and shut the door, pushing a desk against it.

"What are you doing here," asked Hayato. "Class isn't supposed to start for…well actually were supposed to be in the middle of class right now but I'm not gonna complain. What's with you."

"Hyo…trying…kill…me…" she panted, out of breath.

"Well, I should let you know that the door opens the other way."

"What?"

The door then opened as demon Hyo peeked in.

"Heeerrre's Johnny!"

"You gonna die today bitch!" added the hand puppet.

Demon Hyo tried to jump over the desk but belly-flopped on the floor. The sword then slid to her feet. She immediately grabbed it, ready to attack who ever came near her. Then the rest of the class arrived.

"Wow, it looks as if the gloves on the other foot," said Tiffany.

"BACK OFF! DON'T PUSH ME!" she screamed.

"This bitch is crazy," said Hayato as he got and moved over with the rest of the students. Hyo stood up.

"Mayumi, please give me my sword…"

"Yeah, give it here, so I can disembowel you bitch!"

Mayumi screamed and stabbed Hyo and then pushed him away.

"Good form, said Edge.

"I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU! NOW GET BACK!"

"OH GOD! I THINK IT'S LOADED!" Said Batsu. Raizo smacked him in the back of the head.

"It's a sword, moron." he added.

"Oh…" He looked at it closely. "IT IS LOADED!"

"Give up," said Shizuku. "He's hopeless."

Gan arrived with Momo under one arm and the fire hydrant under another.

"Is something wrong," asked Gan.

"Hyo just got stabbed by his own sword," said Akira.

"That so made my year," Kurow chuckled.

"Yo, Gan, what's with the fire hydrant?" asked Edge.

"This is my new found lover…" he said with a proud smile. "Not much of a talker but that's cause she's shy."

"Momo has found herself at a new low…" said the little girl.

"I'm happy for you man," said Roy. "She's kinda hot too. But she's got no boobs…but then again neither does Akira."

"You can have some of my boobs," said Tiffany.

"I don't want them!" she snapped.

"Oh so they're not good enough for you, huh?" she retorted.

"We need someone who is equipped to handle this situation," said Hideo.

"He's right. We must send Miss Kyoko," said Raizo.

"Why her?" asked Hayato.

"Cause she's not sober now. She'll walk across broken glass barefoot if it means more booze."

Shoma walked in and looked around.

"Hey, I thought there was class today?"

"Hey, you tried to give me crabs!" She then stabbed Shoma too.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Natsu then ran in and cradled him. "Shoma, why? WHYYYYYY?"

"Mayumi, sweetie, calm down. Just give me the dangerous pointy object," said Kyoko.

"Not until Hyo admits that I'm the real one!"

"I AM THE REAL ONE!" said the puppet.

"I can't control her!"

Iincyo then bolted in and threw bleach on her.

"HOLY WATER!" she screamed.

AHH, MY EYES! IT BURNS!"

She then ran into a wall and knocked herself out. Shoma opened his eyes.

"Shoma, I'm glad your alright."

"Yes, luckily this bible I stole from Bowman's church saved me."

"Hooray for sin," said Tiffany.

"I thought you'd correct her," said Iincyo.

"It doesn't matter, no matter what you all do, you all will go to hell."

"Any more pearls of sunshine to add," said Hayato."

"No. I have nothing more to say."

"Good, it was probably going to be depressing anyway," said Iincyo.

"I'm sorry I gave you crabs."

"Yeah, thanks Natsu-chan…"

Suddenly Shoma jumped up and wrapped all his limbs around Natsu and started humping her.

"WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF VELCRO MIDGET!" She said as she tried to pry him off. "GET OFF OF ME!"

"NEVER! NOT UNTIL I SHARE MY PLAGUE WITH YOU BABY!"

"OH GOD! WHY!"

Shuuichi and Nagare appeared with Daigo. Daigo pulled Shoma off of Natsu and held him in the air.

"Thank you," wept Natsu.

"Whaddya think your doing," he snapped. "I was getting revenge!"

"Silly minors and your dating games," laughed Daigo. The other two laughed too.

"Look Shoma, you haven't had an episode all day."

"Oh…" He thought about it. "I haven't! I'm cured!"

Daigo then dropped him.

"Ow…"

"Well our work here is done," said Shuuichi. "Let's ride!"

"YEEEHAW!" said Nagare.

"But you didn't do anything," said Akira.

Daigo patted her on the head.

"When you get my age, I'll explain it all to you," said the man.

"But I'll never be your age."

"Exactly."

With that he marched out, laughing.

"Well, that was screwy," said Shoma.

"You humped me for nothing! I'm gonna kill you!"

She then proceeded to throttle Shoma.

"Can we go now," said Hinata.

"You don't go till I say so!"

Hayato sat there for a few moments.

"GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY CLASS!"

"But you didn't say so," said Hinata.

Hayato then chased her out with his shinai. The rest of the class quickly left, Shoma escaping Natsu's wrath and fleeing as she went after him.

"You want to go on a trip...A trip…as in overnight…away from home, without proper supervision—" said Shizuku.

"—We'll be there," said Kyoko.

"Yes, that's why I said without PROPER supervision."

"Well, we have a problem," said Hayato. "Hyo has that damn puppet and his father's awakened."

"But on top of that, what of the ulterior motives of the students," said Hideo.

"And the ulterior motives of the teachers," added Raizo.

"But it's a free trip to the beach!" said Kyoko. "Okay, let's think about this."

_"Oh yeah, I'm gonna screw Kyoko…" _thought Hayato.

_"Oh, yeah, I'm gonna screw Kyoko…" _though Hideo.

_"That hand puppet was kinda hot…uh, I mean I'm gonna screw Kyoko…"_thought Raizo.

_"Oh yeah, I'm gonna get drunk and become a whore…and maybe do some spelunking." _Thought Kyoko.

"So are we game," said Hayato.

"Sure, why not," Raizo shrugged.

The plot thickens…not really but I just wanted to say that. Who will get laid and who will get played? Will anyone find love? Will someone die or get divorced? Why am I asking you all these questions? These will be answered and more in the next installment of…THE MARRIAGE PROJECT! BUM BUM BUMMMMMM!


	5. Irreconcileable Differences

A/N: Now we are finally moving along. I personally went though and tried to fix all the mistakes this time, after doing spell-check (that thing missed a lot too) but knowing me there are probably some. Please overlook them and try not to groan too much at my immature sense of humor. Thanks enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Rival Schools or Project Justice despite negotiations with Raizo. Just a little more glue and I think I'll wear him down.

**Chapter 5: Irreconcilable Differences **

Daigo came in late from beating, er, training his fellow gang members. He was extremely tired and went straight to his bed. He plopped down closed his eyes but something didn't feel right. He then rolled over and ended up face to face with Roy. The blond laughed nervously.

"Hey, how ya doin'?"

"What the hell—Akira!"

He jumped up and ran out knocking on the girl's door.

"Akira," he screamed again.

The door opened to reveal a groggy and disheveled Akira. She rubbed her eyes.

"Anki, what's wrong?"

"Why was he in my bed," he pointed to Roy.

"You don't allow guys in my room so I sent him to yours," she shrugged.

Daigo sighed and put a hand on his forehead.

"This marriage thing has gone too far!"

"But it's not like we're really married," said the girl.

"Yeah, but he's really in my apartment!"

"Can I say something," asked Roy.

"Hell no," snapped Daigo. "Go home!"

"I can't go back there! It's madness! Madness!"

"It's true," said Akira. "His dad and his grandpa are there. His dad's okay but his grandfather is insane!"

"Akira, watch your language!"

"Oh, gomen, his grandfather is bat-shit."

"That's much better…" he then cleared his throat. "Okay, given your situation, I'll let you stay here."

"Yay! Can I spoon with your sister?"

"Hell no, if you spoon with anyone it's gonna be me!"

Roy thought about it for a moment.

"…Okay but no reach-arounds…"

Akira and Daigo looked at each other and then at Roy.

"Okay, sure," said Daigo. "G'night Akira-chan."

With that, they both went into Daigo's room and shut the door. Akira stood at the doorway slightly traumatized.

"Okay everyone, isn't it great to be back in class," said Shizuku.

"No," everyone droned.

"Well, I have something here that will turn all your frowns upside down," she said as she pulled out a stack of permission slips. "Can anyone tell me what I have here?"

"Rectangles!" said Gan.

"Be more specific," said the woman.

"Uh…white rectangles," said Batsu.

"They're permission slips," said Kyosuke. "And you two are morons."

"Well at least my daddy loves me," said Batsu.

Both Hyo and Kyosuke looked down at the ground sadly.

"You made them sad," said Hinata. "Now I will make you happy! Happy dance!"

Hinata then started to do the chicken dance around the room.

"I am now depressed and annoyed," said Hyo.

"Hyo, where is your wife?" asked Akira.

"Unconscious."

"That's horrible." Said Natsu.

"Not really," said Kyosuke. "She's always unconscious. And If Hyo has another psychotic episode like last week he's gonna traumatize her into a coma."

"I told you that it wasn't my fault," said the other boy. "It just happened."

"What's even sadder is that you actually consider that hand puppet an actual lay," said the redhead.

"I'M A BETTER LAY THAN YOU, PRINCESS!" Snapped the puppet.

"Damn it! That is it! I told you that I'd punish you if you gave one more outburst!" said Hyo. With that he put on an oven mitt.

"There, now she knows I mean business."

He then morphed into Demon Hyo.

"You'll always be a little bitch, though!"

"Shut up, dad!"

"Teacher, Hyo's going psycho again," said Tiffany.

"Hyo, you can go psycho after I'm finished," said the woman as she began to hand out the slips.

"The beach?" said Roy after he looked at his. "Why are we going there?"

"Well, the other teachers feel that this is better than a classroom, plus you have the opportunity to get to know your partner a little better."

"And hopefully other people's partners too," added Kurow. He then sidled up to Akira. "''sup baby."

"I am an avid supporter of monogamy," said the girl.

"I am too," said Kurow. "But that doesn't mean I have to practice it."

"Hey, back off my woman, man!" said Roy.

"Wow, I bet that took you all day to think up," said Kurow.

"Yeah, it did. How kind of you to notice," said Roy.

"I want you all at the Taiyo lot at 4 am." Said Shizuku.

"In the morning?" said Batsu.

"Yes, in the morning."

"Where is Imawano-sensei," asked Hinata.

"He's probably hiding somewhere and sniffing glue." Said the woman.

"Actually, he's with Hyo's wife," said Zaki. " Said something about repayment."

"Okay then," said Hayato. "Thank you, Ichimonji-san."

"You're welcome."

"And might I add that you smell nice today."

"Thanks, and you smell nice too. Have a good day children, I hope to see you all on the trip."

"Bye Miss Ichimonji," the all sang. Hayato continued to check her out as she walked off.

"Damn Batsu, your mom's got a nice ass."

"Yeah, she does," he said with pride.

"You're sick," said Yurika.

"Must be from all that exposure to you," said Kyosuke.

"If it makes you feel any better, you have a nice ass," said Kurow.

"No, that's gross! I'm your sister! You can't say things like that to me!"

"But I think your sexy," he added.

Yurika cringed.

"I think you're sexy too," said Kyosuke.

Yurika blushed.

"Really?"

"Nah, I lied. Kurow just paid me to say that."

"And it was worth it too!"

"Damn you, man-whore," she screamed. She then took out her whip and started chasing him around the room with it.

"You two are awfully quiet," said Roberto.

Shoma and Natsu just looked away.

"I think something is wrong," said Ran. "I will use my deduction skills to get to the bottom of this!"

"Hey, are you okay," asked Hinata.

"Or I could have done that…" said the girl.

"I realized that through all our bickering that I was denying my true feelings," said the taller girl. "I…I love Shoma!"

Shoma then stood up.

"I love you too, Natsu!"

"Take me you stud!"

She then stood up and hugged Shoma. Shoma tried to pick her up but struggled a few times. Natsu then picked up Shoma and they ran out laughing. Ran and Hinata looked at each other.

"Well that was…odd." Said Ran.

Hinata looked down.

"No…" she said quietly. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"What's wrong with you?"

"This is wrong! They can't be in love! That's mine and Batsu's job! They must hate! Their hatred makes our love shine! This will not do!"

"Well, what are you gonna do about it?"

"I'll…I'll make them hate each other again! They must hate! Then all will be well! For the sake of us all, I must rip them apart!"

"That's really mean," said Tiffany who over heard their conversation. "Why can't you be happy for them? You guys are friends right? You can double date or join a swinger's club."

"What's a swinger's club," asked Hinata.

Kurow then slid up beside them.

"Funny you should ask—"

"Eww, you're that pervert who goes to Justice," said Hinata.

"Now, pervert is such a strong word," he said as he put his arm around her shoulders. "I prefer the term sexual aficionado. But I'll settle for the term, freak-daddy."

"I am sorry, freak daddy but I have to go and rip my friend's relationship apart," said Hinata as she stood up. She then skipped out.

"So how about you, reporter girl," he said as he moved in closer to Ran.

"I have a boyfriend," she retorted.

"That's fine too but if he want to join just let him know that I don't do all that AC/DC crap."

"You're sick." She said as she got up and walked out. "I've gotta go meet Iincyo now."

"I am so misunderstood," said Kurow sadly.

"Aww, come here," said Tiffany as she hugged him. Pressing his head into her cleavage. "Busty mom hugs make everything better."

Kurow just giggled uncontrollably.

Meanwhile, at the Imawano mansion, Hyo had been griping for roughly an hour about his 'wife' stabbing him.

"…I can't believe that woman stabbed me! Me!"

"Oh suck it in," said Raizo. "It was just a flesh would and even if you die it wouldn't be like it would be a new experience for you now would it?"

"Why didn't I go into the light?"

"Because I sucked you out of it with my strong, sexy mouth muscles," said the man.

Hyo shuddered.

"Where is she anyway? I want to give her a long boring speech about why she shouldn't stab me."

"She's in my room," said Shizuku. "She's still unconscious but I decided to bring her here for safekeeping."

"Really," said Raizo. "Ill be right back."

He then went upstairs.

"So Hyo, you haven't had an episode today," said his aunt. "That's very good."

"Don't speak too soon, It's only two in the afternoon," said Kyosuke as he walked in.

"Hello, Kyosuke. How was your trip to the red-light district," asked the woman.

"It was okay. I had to choke a bitch or two but that's all in the game for a pimp like me," he then grew scared as he dropped his voice. "You haven't seen Yurika around have you?"

"No."

"Good," he said as he relaxed.

"You should be ashamed of yourself," said Hyo. "Exploiting women for your own personal gain."

"Look THEY choose me! I didn't choose them…okay I chose a few of them but not all of them."

Yurika then barged in.

"Where were you! You were supposed to pick me up from Taiyo but you never showed! I had to walk! What if something happened to me—"

"Then that would prove that there is a God," said Kyosuke.

"You heartless moron! A person like me is not fit for walking. I must be escorted and chauffeured."

"And possibly euthanized," added Hyo.

Yurika forced a smile as she squeezed the shoulder where Hyo had been stabbed, in turn he winced.

"Well, looks like that puncture would gave you a sense of humor, maybe if you get ran over by a truck you'll become a decent human being…or die. Either way it's a benefit."

She then let him go and turned to Kyosuke.

"And you, you are really pushing my patience!"

"Yurika, why are you such a bitch?" asked Kyosuke.

"That is none of your business, now if you'll excuse me; I am going to change out of these common rags."

She then turned and walked off. Kyosuke made sure she was out of earshot before he spoke again.

"Well, I'm in business…the business of kicking your ass! Yeah, and let me tell ya, business is booming," he said as he began to get more confidence. "Yeah bitch, I'm open for business, the business of giving you the business…up your ass…"

He then turned to see Yurika changed and stretching her whip. Kyosuke smiled nervously and then gave a small laugh.

"D-did you hear me say all of that."

"Are you looking to expand your business," she growled.

Kyosuke then ran off.

"Business is closed! Closed!"

"Oh, no," said Yurika as she ran after him. "You're gonna get punished, little puppy!"

"What a horrible relationship," said Hyo. A scream then filled the air. Mayumi ran down the stairs.

"Stay away from me," she screamed.

Raizo came out, zipping up his pants.

"I told you that you were gonna have to repay me!"

"You are a sick man and I want you to stay away from me!"

"Good afternoon," said Hyo. "I need to talk to you—"

Mayumi stared at him for a few moments and then ran away screaming.

"My, you have a way with the ladies, don't you," said Raizo.

"You're one to talk."

"Look I have a girlfriend and I even had sex with her this morning!"

Shizuku just happened to be coming out of the kitchen when she heard this. She then turned to Hyo and spoke.

"If it makes you feel any better, it wasn't all that great."

"You know you loved it," said Raizo. "You know you can't get enough of this!"

In turn, he did a few pelvic thrusts, but lost his balance and then fell down the stairs.

"Now if he died I'd get enough to by a coin-operated husband." Said Shizuku thoughtfully.

"What's that," asked Hyo.

"Oh, n-nothing," said the woman as she blushed.

Ran and Roberto sat in the park as Roberto's siblings played with Iincyo's siblings. While Nelson and Erton played soccer with each other, Iincyo's brother and sister participated in their own favorite game of throwing large sticks in the paths of roller-bladers and bicyclers.

"Ran where did you get these kids," asked Roberto.

"Iincyo asked me to watch them while she went to the church to convince Bowman to go to the beach with us."

"Well, that was nice of you to do that."

"Actually, I volunteered you." Roberto had an irritated look on his face. "Look, my commitments as a reporter require me to be prepared to leave at a moments notice…plus those are some bad ass kids."

"How kind of you…" he droned.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Listen, Ran…I think we should break up."

Ran stared at him in shock with her mouth dropped open.

"See if you did more of that then we wouldn't be having this conversation," said the boy. "But the truth is that I need some space…without you in it."

Ran continued to stare at him with her mouth agape. Roberto sighed.

"Don't try to bribe me with that now. You're a nice girl and I'm sure you'll find someone else. We can still be friends though."

And as anyone would have guessed, Ran was still looking at him with her mouth open. Roberto looked down and scratched his cheek.

"Well, I'm gonna leave now. I'll teach the kids lifting."

He then got up and left. By the time Ran had gotten the wits back to speak, Roberto and all the kids had gone to his house for snacks.

"Well, screw you, you walking stereotype," she screamed. She then ran off, noisily sobbing and wailing.

Edge, Zen, Koji, Gan, and Momo all stood around the lockers. Luckily they all had gotten lockers together so they could hang out.

"Man, I think that the best way to make our shitty economy work would be to use more of that fucking budget for some mother fucking healthcare and shit," said Edge.

"For real, some of these bitches need real medicine and shit. Chronic don't cure everything," said Koji.

"Fuck yeah, but there is some evidence out there, real hardcore shit that proves that chronic is beneficial in the aid of certain ailments and shit," added Zen.

"Word." Added Momo. "Momo thinks that there should be free healthcare. Just take it out with the rest of the taxes like those bastards in Canada."

"Hey, guys. Straighten up," said Gan. "Headmasters coming!"

The headmaster was a big guy. A little bigger than Gan but he had anger issues. They all stood straight against the lockers as he stormed up to them.

"Look at you," he growled. "With your social skills and witty hip social commentary! You know what you all need…"

They all looked at each other nervously and then shook their heads.

"DISIPLINE!"

He punched Edge in the jaw.

"DISIPLINE!"

He gave Koji a blow to the top of his head.

"DISIPLINE!"

He punched Zen in the stomach.

"DISIPLINE!"

He then head butted Gan. He then came to Momo who had seen what happened to them and was terrified. Her eyes had grown big and shiny, brimming with tears. She trembled as she looked up at him.

"P-please don't hit, Momo….sir…" she stammered.

"Aww…" He said as he gave her a soft tap on the head. He then walked off.

"Man, headmaster is a fuckin' pedophile," said Edge as he rubbed his sore jaw.

"I'm bleeding from the ears," said Koji.

"But Momo was genuinely scared…" said the girl. "That was the first time that Momo was honest."

"Its okay, the headmaster won't hurt you," said Gan. "He may molest you though."

"Hey man, check it out," said Zen.

They all looked over to see Mina walking down the hall dressed in a revealing sort of schoolgirl outfit.

"What's she doing here," asked Koji. "She graduated like four years ago…or she dropped out…I don't know."

She then walked up and leaned in close to Edge.

"Hello, Edge. Did you miss me?"

"Damn bitch, you've only been gone for like a day," said Edge.

Suddenly a chain wrapped around her throat as Zaki pulled her back.

"Bitch, I told you to back off my man."

"He was my man before he was your man," she snapped. "I know why you're tryin' so hard. You're just jealous because I have all of this and you have nothing, just like this little brat right here," she said as she made a gesture to Momo.

"Momo knows you didn't just disrespect Momo in Momo's face!" snapped the little girl. "There will be none of that! Momo gonna beat you like a red headed stepchild."

She then jumped up and started clawing Mina's face like a small animal.

"AAAH! GET IT OFF! IT BURNS!"

"Aww, that's my wife," laughed Gan. "Always fucking up people!"

Zaki pulled Momo off and held her.

"Momo, listen. You have a very promising future ahead of you now that you're no longer a part of the DSO."

"Really?"

"Yeah, now if you attack Mina there will be consequences…you don't want to get into that kind of trouble…BUT I DO!"

She then threw Momo aside and jumped on top of Mina as she grabbed her by her hair. She then proceeded to slam her head into the floor.

"Yeah, eat it! Eat it!" she snapped. "Eat the floor, bitch!"

"Is somebody gonna stop her," said Zen.

"I don't even think the headmaster could stop her," said Edge. He then grew scared as he dropped his voice. "Besides she knows where I live…"

"On the contrary, I find this to be a turn on," said the headmaster.

"OH SHIT, HE'S GONNA KILL US ALL," said Koji.

The headmaster then punched him in the face, knocking him out.

"Damn, ol' boy got knocked the fuck out," said Momo.

"Let's all have pie," said the headmaster.

They all then went to have pie, including Zaki who left Mina on the floor in a bloodied pulp. As she struggled to crawl away, other student stepped over, and on her like she wasn't there.

"I'll get you for this Aoi Himezaki," she growled. She then noticed a paper that had fluttered down in front of her.

"What…beach trip…what an amazing coincidence…He will be mine AGAIN! AHAHAHAHA!"

She continued to laugh until she was ran over by a floor buffer.

Bowman was in the church sweeping when Iincyo ran in.

"Bowman, check it out! We are going to the beach, whether you like it or not," she stated.

"I can't. The beach is for sinners and Protestants."

"Come on! This can be an opportunity for you to spread your pseudo-positive message of sin, damnation and…"

"—Don't forget wine," said Kyoko as she popped up from behind an altar with a half-empty bottle of wine.

"What are you doing back there, Kyoko-sensei," asked Iincyo.

"Indulging in the ceremonial wine, this is some good shit."

"Don't swear in the church," said Bowman.

"Fine, this is some good shiz-nit."

Bowman glared at her. She shrugged.

"It's not a cuss word. They allow it on public television."

"You have a problem," said the young priest.

"I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM," she snapped as she jabbed a finger at him. After that, her panties fell down to the floor around her legs. She looked down and then looked up at the two. "…I think have a problem."

"Anyway, Bowman, you need to get out. Spending this much time in a dusty church can't be healthy."

"I am perfectly…" suddenly little Kodama (those little forest creatures in Princess Mononoke) appeared and started running around him.

"DAMN YOU ALL!"

He then proceeded to attack them with his broom.

"DIE! DIE! FEEL THE WRATH OF GOD!"

"What a whack job," said Kyoko.

"Yeah, and I'm married to him…" said Iincyo.

"Well, I'll sign his permission slip and then he'll be required to go," said Kyoko. "Any questions?"

"Just one. You know that you put your panties on your head right?"

Kyoko patted the girl on the head.

"Sometimes it's okay to lie to yourself."

Hinata walked into the park and saw Shoma and Natsu gazing into each other's eyes lovingly. She then walked up and sat between them.

"I hate to interrupt," she lied. "But I need you guys to come quick! I have a problem!"

"Sure, we'll help you…" Natsu trailed off. "…together."

"Yes, that's right," added Shoma. "You're so right…"

"No, you're so right."

"No you're so right—"

"You're both right, now let's go," snapped Hinata.

Akira sat at the window staring out with a blank expression on her face. Ran came into the room crying loudly and then sat beside her.

"W-what's wrong with you?"

"I peeked in on my brother last night and saw him spooning with Roy…they went shopping for the beach trip…together…holding hands…"

"Robbie just dumped me," she sobbed. "Both of or men are going astray…what should we do!"

"I've got an idea…"

Akira grabbed Ran, twisted her arm back and pushed her to the door. She then kicked her out, literally and slammed and locked the door to the classroom. She then plopped down and continued to stare at the window with no emotion.

"Has everyone abandoned me," she sobbed.

"Ran, are you okay," asked Batsu as he approached her.

"Oh, Batsu," she sobbed as she hugged him.

"He….dumped…me," she wailed. She then continued to cry.

After a while Batsu started to get hungry, so as Ran sobbed he wrapped his arms around her and went through her bag to find her lunch, which he devoured. A few more moments passed and she was still crying. Batsu found some cash and put it in his pocket.

"I better be getting something for this," he mumbled.

"What," she sniffed.

"I said, 'I'll help you get through this.'"

Later on, so much time had passed that Batsu had found Ran's game boy and killed the time by playing on it.

Shoma and Natsu were dressed in various sorts of sporting gear. Shoma stood on a ladder in front of a beehive while Natsu stood under it with a garbage can and a lid.

"Okay, Hina said that I need to hit this with a bat and when it falls, you gotta put a lid on it quick okay?"

"You got it, friend," said Natsu.

They both then shot each other sickeningly sweet smiles. Meanwhile, Hinata had a ball and was bouncing it while watching them with extreme seriousness. Shoma was about to swing his bat when she threw it. The ball bounced off the ladder and made Shoma loose his balance. He hit the hive and it nicked the side of the trash can and fell to the ground. Both Natsu and Shoma thrashed around in pain as they were attacked by the angry bees. Later on, they sat on the porch, muted in pain. Hinata ran up to them, feigning innocence.

"Oh, my, what happened," asked Hinata.

Natsu and Shoma glared at each other, covered in bee stings.

"Numb nuts here, screwed up," snapped Natsu.

"I thought you said you had it, monkey woman!"

"Pencil dick!"

"A-cup!"

"I hate you!"

"Hate you more!"

They then proceeded to throttle each other. Suddenly they started kissing, and went back to throttling.

"Well, that's okay too," said Hinata.

"Hey, Hina," said Batsu. The girl wrapped her arms around him.

"Oh Batsu I am so happy, I could cry!"

"NO, PLEASE DON'T," he screamed remembering his escapade with Ran. "I…I mean I would rather you be happy and perky…"

"Oh, you're so sweet Batsu-kun."

Mayumi arrived at her apartment and walked in.

"Ah, home sweet home…"

The phone then rang.

"Moshi-moshi."

"Mayumi, I wanted to apologize," said Hyo. "I'm sorry."

"That's okay…I guess…"

"I would like to make it up to you…would you like to have dinner with me tonight?"

She was about to say sure when she got suspicious.

"You're not Hyo right now are you?"

"…" There was silence and then she heard the hand puppet.

"Quick, she's on to us, Mugen!"

"Damn it, why couldn't he marry that stupid Wakaba girl!"

Then they hung up. Shaken, Mayumi dialed Hideo's number.

"Mos—"

"I am not going!"

"Mayumi? Why not?"

"Hyo's multiple personalities want to kill me! I am not spending time with him willingly! I'd rather die than go on that trip!"

"But, think of your grade…"

"I'm thinking of my life! Good night!"

She then hung up. Hideo frowned in concern. Kyoko sat up from behind the desk.

"Who was that?"

"Mayumi. She says she's not going."

"Oh my, that's so sad…maybe she'll change her mind."

"But the trip is tomorrow…"

"Things can happen overnight." She then stuck out her hand. Hideo gave her some cash and she disappeared behind the desk again.

A/N: Alas, this is a predicament. The beach trip has come! What dastardly plan does Mina have for Zaki? Can Mayumi escape the murderous intentions of Hyo's spit personalities? Can Kyosuke escape Yurika's whip? Does he want to? What craziness will ensue on a trip with the most incompetent faculty to hit any school system? Find out next time, as the Marriage Project continues.

P.S: I'm thinking about going longer than I planned so yay for me!


	6. Honeymoon from Hell part 1

**Disclaimer:**I own nothing but…well I own nothing. Namco has my soul on lease with Capcom.

**Chapter Six: Honeymoon from Hell pt. 1**

The group arrived at the hotel promptly two hours late. There was some problems with the time considering the fact that 4 a.m. was too early to do anything. Nobody was late, they all just refused to go until the sun was up.

"I'll be damned if I have to get up before the sun," muttered Batsu. "Lazy bastard, all it does is warm the planet anyway."

"Yeah, we totally don't need it," said Roy.

"I do," said Tiffany. "How else can I keep up with my tan?"

"At the tanning salon," said Roy. Tiffany laughed.

"Good point."

"Hey, you all realize that without the sun we would all die, right," said Akira as she walked in.

They all stared at her in silence.

"Well, at least I would have a tan," Tiffany shrugged.

After another pointless argument, Natsu stormed directly to the bathroom and locked the door. The boy stood out there for a few moments before he realized he had to go. Shoma squirmed as he stood in front of the door, trying to figure out what to do. If he waited any longer he would pee his pants and then it would never end. He then turned to the window and his face lit up with joy. He ran to it and opened it...

"Hey," said Hinata. "I didn't know it was supposed to rain today."

"That's not rain," said Iincyo.

Everyone then screamed and ran inside.

"S…sorry," said Shoma.

The teachers stood in the lobby as all the students sat in front of them.

"Your rooms have your names on them. You can eat whatever you want here," said Shizuru. "Everything's paid for."

"I always wondered about the taste of human flesh…," said Gan.

Hayato scratched the back of his head.

"I want you all to turn in your damn packet things in two hours. If you're late, you're excuse better be nothing short of death, paralysis, or typhoid, got it?"

Kurow grinned. "But what if we are suffering from total sexual exhaustion?"

"Then write with your other hand," grumbled Yurika.

"Okay, guys. Now you all will be sharing a room with your partners," said Kyoko.

"We don't want you all to breed but we know it's inevitable," said Raizo. "So we're gonna make sure your stock is somewhat good. I want stupid people with stupid people. If there are any idiots in the room, please stand."

Akira stood up.

"Why do you think you're an idiot?"

"I don't. I just didn't want you guys to feel alone while you stood."

Raizo grew furious.

"TO YOUR ROOMS ALL OF YOU!"

"Aren't you forgetting something, principal," said Hideo. The other man rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah, Hideo wants you to meet someone."

The man pulled out a doll that looked to be a training dummy. They all stared at the CPR dummy, which of course said nothing.

"Students," said Hideo. "This is my new girlfriend. She will be one of your chaperones for the weekend. I warn you, she's no push over."

The dummy merely slumped to the side.

"On that note, we should go," said Kyosuke. "Before the lamp is introduced as the school nurse."

"Then again, our school nurse would be more competent as a lamp," laughed Hyo.

"If I were a lamp I'd have somebody shove me up your ass," she muttered.

"Carful," said Hayato. "He likes that crap."

"I DO NOT!"

"Oh go back to your bloody closet," said Raizo.

The group had decided to play volleyball after turning in the packets. Nobody even got settled. Well, they didn't actually decide, it was required as part of the study to see what couple was okay and which…weren't. On one team was Natsu, Shoma, Ran, and Hinata. On the other was Zaki, Edge, Roberto, and Tiffany

"We have this in the bag," said Shoma.

"There's a bag involved with this," asked Tiffany.

"Only the one I plan to smother you with," muttered Zaki.

Natsu was the first to serve and she held the ball and paused for a moment. She then turned and spiked Shoma, knocking him to the ground.

"What was that for?"

"You were starin' at my ass!"

"It's one of the biggest things in front of me, what do you expect!"

They moved on and the game got started. At first it was a head to head tie, but in the end, Natsu's team lost.

"Why didn't you spike the ball," muttered Natsu. "We had this, Ran!"

"I tripped," she pouted.

"Go easy on her," said Roberto. Ran grew happy. "It's not her fault she's terrible at sports!"

"I am," Ran whimpered.

"It's okay," said Hinata. "You're bad at math, and science…and your grades suck too!"

"Plus you're not very good looking," added Tiffany.

"I have some good qualities though," she asked hopefully. "Right?"

They all looked away from her uncomfortably.

"Right!"

Gan sat in front of the chessboard with a ridiculously serious look on his face. Momo then walked up to him.

"Gan-san—"

"—I'm thinking—"

"—But—"

"Silence! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HARD THIS IS FOR ME!"

Momo then walked over and sat in the corner, sulking. After a few moments Gan sighed.

"This game would go a lot faster if someone else would play with me."

"I challenge you to a duel woman," said Hyo.

"Piss off, you nutcase," she muttered.

"Well, then you forfeit your right to stay in the room," said the young man. Mayumi sat up and glared at him. Hyo chuckled. "So now you are interested?"

"Okay, so if I win, what do I get?"

"You get your bed…and my body to do as you wish."

Mayumi then got up and stormed out.

"Wait, were are you going," he asked.

"I forfit!"

Hayato put an arm around Kyoko.

"It's okay," he assured her. "Everyone goes through phases during their mid-life crisis."

She pushed him away.

"I only have two phases, r-tard," she snapped. "Anger and Drinking and I'm done being angry!"

She took out a bottle of rum and started to down it. Hayato shrugged.

"Well I tried. At least she'll be getting naked soon."

Roy dumped out the corn flakes and started sifting through each one.

"Damn," he said as he shook his head. "There's no corner pieces to this rooster puzzle."

"Put the corn flakes back in the box Roy," she sighed.

Iincyo and Bowman arrived in their room. As soon as they entered, the man began to unpack.

"C'mon, relax for a bit, holy man," said the girl as the stared up at the ceiling.

"No, no," said Bowman. "Idle hands spend time at the genitals and we all know how much God hates that."

"Even if no one did you'd tell us anyway," she sighed.

Bowman then took of his shirt and started to hit himself with the belt.

crack "Oh yeah," he hissed. crack "Hallelujah!" crack "Jesus is LORD—HAIL MARY!"

"On that note, I should leave…" She then got up. "I'm gonna go see what the remotely sane are up to."

"Don't sin too much while you're gone," said Bowman before continuing.

"Wow, this room is great," said Batsu as he and Hinata walked in. "I thought dad was gonna be cheap but this is so much better..."

Hinata sat on the bed and then turned to Batsu as she grinned.

"You know, with our own room together, we can do whatever we want with no one to stop us."

Batsu grinned as well.

"I think I know what your saying—" He then took out a magic marker and sniffed it for a few moments before he began scribbling on the walls. He laughed manically. "Let's see you spank me now, daddy!"

Hinata grabbed him and stopped him.

"I'm talking about sex you idiot!"

"Do we have to," Batsu whined. Hinata glared at him as she squeezed his arm.

"YES! WE MUST! IT'S THE LAW AND YOU CAN'T BREAK THE LAW!"

"You're hurting me again," said BAtsu. Hinata then jumped up and wrapped her arms and legs around him. "GET OFFA ME YOU VELCRO MIDGET!"

He tried to force her off but it seemed to be no use. Finally he ripped himself out of his shirt and locked himself inside the bathroom. Hinata pounded on the door.

"Open this door," she screamed. "You will give me sex, Batsu Ichimonji!"

Batsu sat in the bathtub, rocking back and forth and whimpering.

Akira and Roy walked into their room. Akira put down her luggage and turned to Roy.

"Look, this is platonic," she stated. "It's a project and leave it at that, okay."

"Right," said Roy.

Akira then turned to open her suitcase. When she looked up, Roy had tied himself to the bed.

"Oh my," said Roy. "I've tied myself to the whole entire bed. Now you'll have to sleep on top of me."

"The floor is carpeted. I'll be okay," said the girl.

"Aw, come on," said the blond. Akira glared at him. "Can you at least untie me? I'd do it myself but I tied myself too tight."

Akira stormed out in frustration.

"Can you at least get me a sandwich," he called after her. "I'm kinda hungry!"

Edge and Zaki looked around, noting the room with approval. They then started to make out. They moved toward the bed and just as they moved to lay down on it, a person popped out of the sheets.

"Surprise," said Mina.

"Aw, fuck," said Edge.

Mina wrapped her arms around him. "That's what I've come to do, baby."

"You dumb whore," snapped Zaki. "You're not even supposed to be here."

"I'm not dumb," said Mina. "I found my way here by myself!"

"Then you can find your way back," Edge snapped. Mina's eyes grew wide with tears.

"You don't want me here, Edge?"

"No."

She hung her head as tears fell. "Fine. I'll leave."

Without another word, she walked out.

"That was easy," said Edge.

"Too easy," muttered Zaki as she folded her arms. She then fidgeted. "You know, I feel a little bad…I'm going to go find her and apologize."

"What about me," said Edge. Zaki kissed him.

"Just don't get started without me…"

Yurika stormed into her room with Kyosuke following behind.

"This is horrid, they have us share a room with one bed," snapped Yurika.

"Maybe if you're good, I'll let you sleep at the foot of it," muttered Kyosuke.

"Big talk coming from a guy who likes to wear a dress!"

"You suggested it. I would have taken it off if my demon father-brother-hand puppet didn't interrupt," he muttered. "I'm going out for some air. Don't look out the window too much. We don't wanna get arrested for mooning."

Kyosuke laughed as he waked away. Yurika picked up the alarm clock and threw it at him. She smiled when she heard it connect, followed by the sound of the redhead tumblind down the stairs. She the casually went to unpacking her luggage.

Kurow came in and sat on Yurika's bed, eating peanuts. The girl ignored her brother as he sat there for nearly an hour watching her as she unpacked. He then started to throw peanuts at her. Finally, growing annoyed she turned about to ask him what he wanted but Kurow cut her off.

"Man," he sighed. "These zoos just ain't what they used to be!"

Yurika then punched him in the face.

"You hit like a girl," muttered Kurow as he rubbed his face. "I guess the sex change is almost complete."

Suddenly her whip appeared in her hand.

"I'm gonna make you regret that, ass-tard!"

Kurow grinned as he threw the peanuts aside, bracing himself for the assault.

"Oh, yeah, freak-daddy likes it rough!"

After taking the beating he walked back to his room, where he saw Tiffany pacing around frantically.

"What's wrong," he asked.

"I'm hot," she whined.

"Take off your clothes."

The girl stripped down to her underwear.

"I'm still hot," she whined.

Tiffany grabbed a lamp and threw it through the window breaking it. She then walked up to the window and opened it normally.

"Much better," she sighed.

Ran and Roberto sat in silence.

"Well, even though were married we still aren't dating, alright," said Roberto. "So don't try any of those melodramatic tricks you usually do."

"Me," said the girl innocently.

Roberto frowned and then turned to unpack. Ran walked out to the balcony. After a few moments she hatched an idea. If she were in danger, Roberto would save her and fall in love with her again. So she turned and leaned over as if she were falling.

"Help me, Robbie," she wailed. Roberto merely rolled his eyes. Ran huffed in frustration and tried to turn around. She lost her balance and really fell over.

"Help," she screamed as she hung from the ledge. Roberto ignored her. She lost her grip and fell. Fortunately, Raizo caught her. She sighed in relief.

"Principal, you saved me."

"Of course. Now, you must repay me," said the man. "Do you suck?"

"Ew, no," she snapped.

"Oh well," he then threw her over the edge. "Off you go."

Ran kept falling again until Kurow caught her.

"How can I repay you," she breathed.

"Do you screw," he asked with a grin.

"No," snapped Ran. Kurow then threw her off the edge. A few floors down, Bowman managed to catch her as he took a break from punishing himself.

"Don't drop me," begged Ran. "I suck, I screw, I'll do anything!"

"Whore," said Bowman as he threw her over the edge. With that she dropped into the ocean below.

Kurow stepped off of the balcony.

"What happened, darling," said Tiffany.

"This prude bitch dropped out of the sky, nothing big," he said as he walked in. He then smiled. "A pretty girl in her underwear, a nice hotel…this can't get any better."

There was a knock on the door. Tiffany opened it to see Mayumi.

"Oh, Mayu. What brings you here besides my manly charm," asked Kurow.

"Hyo kicked me out of the room. Said I had to duel him. Can I sleep with you guys tonight?"

Kurow grinned but Mayumi cut him off.

"Not that way, perv."

"Of course," said Kurow. "…but know that our room is your room. Relax, sit…I can take your panties if you want."

"I'm sure you can," said Mayumi. "But I don't want you to."

Akira ended up playing chess with Gan as Momo returned.

"Hey girly boy," said Momo.

"Eat shit and die," said Akira as she stared at the board.

"I need you to teach Momo how to run a gang!"

Akira turned and looked at her in shock. She then burst into laughter. "You, a gangleader! What are you gonna do, whine until your enemies give in?"

"Yes, it worked for Momo before, so Momo is sure it will work for her now."

"Not if someone shoots you first."

"Why don't you believe in Momo? Don't you think Momo is gangsta?"

"No," said Akira. "Look, gang life isn't all is cracked up to be. No one's really afraid of you," she then slammed her fists on the table. "MOVE OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS YOU R-TARD!"

Gan flinched and whimpered.

"Y-yes boss."

"See," said Akira. "Total poppycock."

Zaki walked down the hallway looking for Mina. She felt bad, all this time the girl seemed a little lonely. Suddenly, someone grabbed her and slammed her into a wall. Zaki looked up to see that she was in the linen closet. Standing in the doorway was Mina. She put her hands on her hips and laughed manically.

"So you fell for it," she grinned. "I knew you would."

Zaki got up to attack her but she slammed the door. The girl turned at the knob furiously.

"Open this door so I can rip your face off," she screamed.

"Umm…NO," she then ran off laughing.

Shizuru sat in the kitchen after tending to Kyosuke's concussion.

"That was a nasty bump," said Shizuru. "That girl can throw."

"That's not a girl," he muttered. "That's an albino with a vendetta."

"Yurika's a nice girl. You two were getting along earlier."

"Everyone gets along in S &M!"

The redhead then walked over and poured himself some cereal.

"Are you sure you're alright," asked the woman.

"Of course," said Kyosuke. "What's a bump to the head?"

Kyosuke listened to the rice krispies for a few moments. He then sat up angrily and swatted the bowl to the floor. He smiled in triumph as he looked down at the mess.

"I'll clean it up," she sighed.

"No," he grabbed her. "I want to watch them suffer."

Ran walked up to Kyosuke and the others.

"Hey, guys I need to ask you something—"

"She said she was on the pill," said Kyosuke.

They both stared at each other.

"Anyway," said Ran. "Am I…valuable?"

"Of course you are," said Shizuru.

"You aren't lying to me," she asked. "Are you?"

"Of course not," said Shizuru.

"Then again, we could be lying to you about whether or not we would lie to you," said Kyosuke.

Ran took a moment to try and process that. She then clutched her head in agony.

"AAHHH! MY BRAIN," she screamed as she ran off.

"I love messing with stupid people," said Kyosuke. He then spotted Mina. "HEY, WHERE'S MY MONEY!"

Mina screamed and ran off with him chasing after her with a razorblade.

Batsu opened the linen closet. He then stopped to see a sleeping Zaki. The girl jolted awake and hugged him.

"I should get towels more often."

"You saved me," she sighed. "Mina locked me in here."

"I didn't know she was in our class," said the boy.

"She's not," she muttered. Just then, Hinata ran past and the door slammed closed. She glared at Batsu, who smiled nervously. "I hate you."

"Batsu! Where are you," screamed Hinata. "Oh no, I've lost my husband!"

Dismayed, Hinata returned to the lobby where Iincyo, Gan, and Momo were.

"…Okay, students. I'm gonna give you a little taste of my own sexual education," said Hayato as he put his hands in his pockets.

"I don't want to taste anything of yours," said Iincyo.

"Shut up, you neutered gym-hoochie!" He then sat down and pulled out a magazine. "Gather round so that I may share my fountain of wisdom."

"Better get in close," muttered the girl.

"Enough outta you!" He then settled and opened it up. "Dear Penthouse…"

Akira walked back up to her room to see Daigo sitting on the bed as he fed Roy pudding.

"Anki," she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to make sure that you have no sex," he said happily. "Now open wide, here comes the airplane!"

"This rules," said Roy before Daigo put the spoon in his mouth.

"I'm gonna go gouge out my eyes now," said Akira.

Kurow opened the door to see Akira.

"Hey baby," he grinned.

"Don't start with me," she snapped. "I need to crash somewhere…" she saw Tiffany dancing around in her underwear. "Am I interrupting something."

"Only something beautiful," he sighed.

"Lay of it," said Mayumi. "You can crash here, the bed is big enough for all of us."

"Thanks," the girl sighed as he walked in. "He's not gonna be in the bed too is he."

"Nope," said Tiffany. "He's sleeping in the chair."

"I like to watch," said Kurow.

They all merely rolled their eyes.

So the vacation is underway. Will Zaki and Batsu ever escape the linen closet? Will Mina's dastardly plan come to fruition? What about Kyoko? What the fuck is wrong with that old bitty? And what's with that dummy? Does it put out or what? All these and more will be answered in the next chapter!


End file.
